Blume's Pamphlet

A *Very* Refined Guide to pistols, petticoats and power

By Blaume Hoffnung, Arbiter of Taste and Elegance

---

On the Refined Art of Firearms: Why Cannons and Muskets are the Future of *Sophisticated* Warfare

Ah, the elegance of a well-crafted firearm—how it separates the refined from the rabble. You see, *true* warriors don’t muddy their hands with crude swords or—heaven forbid—peasant-made bows. No, a musket or cannon, with its precision and devastating power, is the weapon of choice for those of us who understand that battle is as much about appearances as it is about victory.

Consider the subtle art of muskets, perfect for dispatching foes from a distance without the vulgarity of close combat. A gentleperson—with a pistol has no need to wrestle in the dirt like a common foot soldier. Instead, they can eliminate their enemies with all the grace of a hawk swooping down on a particularly unappealing rodent.

Let us not forget the blunderbuss, a symbol of overwhelming power and status. Deploying one on the battlefield is akin to announcing, “I am far superior to you,” in a language even the unwashed masses can understand. And truly, isn’t that what matters most?

Fashion for the Discerning Elite: What *You* Should Wear (and what they shouldn't)

Now, let’s address something of vital importance: fashion. My dear, one’s attire is not merely a collection of fabrics—it is a statement of who you are. Or, more precisely, who you are *not*.

For the discerning elite, velvet and silk are non-negotiable. These fabrics scream sophistication and wealth, two qualities that the commoner can only dream of. You must understand, your attire should serve as a barrier between you and those who would drag you down into the filth of the gutter.

Take, for example, the latest cumberbunds from Marienburg—crafted from the finest imported silks and adorned with gold filigree. Such a garment is not just a piece of clothing; it is an armor against mediocrity. Pair it with a hat adorned with exotic feathers (preferably from a bird that noone can pronouce), and you’re ready to parade through the streets, a living testament of your status and inherited wealth.

As for the 'new money'—if they must wear clothes, they should keep them simple. *Very* simple and stay away from satin. Trying to rise above your station?  You stick out like a sore thumb. Its  embarassing for everyone, and we dont need that now do we?

The Stars Speak: A Horoscope

Gazing through Azyr haze,—the celestial bodies are as twisted and unpredictable as the whims of fate itself. And yet, how amusing it is to consult its eerie glow for guidance in our otherwise pristine lives.

The Broken cart is clear and kharnos' influence suggests a period of introspection. Perhaps it’s time to distance yourself from the from the poor, dieased, unwashed masses and focus on those who truly deserve your company—namely, yourself.

Remember, dear reader, that your place is at the top, looking down. Whether it’s through the roar of a musket, the gleam of silk, or the cosmic insights of Azyr never forget that you are *better* than the rest. Embrace it, flaunt it, and most importantly—keep your distance from the riffraff

Regards, 

Blaume,

Sponsored by 

Dicks Sporting Goods - where one in the hand is indeed better than two in the bush