75: Erina Eberhauer

Before bedtime, Willow asked Tiasmara to get some supplies with her morning groceries. She wanted lamb guts, witch hazel, yoghurt, and cranberry juice. I’m not sure what sort of pie she is planning to put them in, but I think it has something to do with her clinic.

At breakfast, Erina Eberhauer turned up as her sister, Janna, said she would, looking for new lodgings. She was obviously a red wizard, which I think means fire and stuff. Willow started chatting to her about the nature of wizards and how she was a red and her sister was a blue and how that comes about, and she asked if it was a mutation, which I don’t think was a very good question. And then she told Erina about Uncle Bramble’s webbed feet.

Erina said that any human can grasp magic if they try, but I’m pretty sure that’s not true, otherwise they all would, wouldn’t they, mum, and it would be impossible to get any parsnips in the Empire because who would bother digging parsnips if you were a wizard. Then when Tiasmara gave her some scram Erina warmed it up with her hands, which was a good trick, but probably not as good as Guido’s eagle.

Willow asked why Erina needed a new room and she said it was because her old room had burned down. Then he said she knew what we were all thinking, but it had nothing to do with her, because she wasn’t there, and had she been there she would have been able to stop it. But that’s the same thing Guido said when his prayer candles burned down Das Moot, and he’s not even a wizard.

Then Willow told Erina that she noticed that Janna had the hots for Allavandrel, and asked her if Allavandrel felt the same way. But Erina said she didn’t know. So Willow said that we knew Allavandrel quite well and we would be able to introduce Janna to him is she wanted. And Erina said she would probably like that.

And then Willow realised she was nearly late for her exam, and so had to run off, which was probably a good thing, I think, mum, because Erina was probably tired of answering lots of silly questions about magic.

I will let Willow tell you how she got on in the exam, mum (I passed – Willow). And as a member of the Physician’s Guild, I think Willow gets access to useful ingredients and equipment but she has to pay a membership fee. I’m not sure what she gets to do that she couldn’t do before but at least she gets the recognition and respect (even though the bigs don’t tend to give us halflings much respect for anything).

When she was discussing her guild membership with one of the clerks at the guild house the clerk wasn’t very forthcoming, and so Willow bossed him about a bit (I think I got carried away with my new found success – Willow).

When I got back to the Templar’s after spending the morning at the Regent’s again I bumped into Uli on my way in and mentioned that I saw him at the Harvest Goose spying on Blume. He told me that he would tell Willow all about Blume’s meeting with Wallenstein. I’m not sure why Willow is continuing to pay the urchins, but the only bit of hard information we have got out of them over the entire week was them telling us what we already knew because we were there because it was about us.

Guido told us about his meeting with Edel Mueller at the library of Verena. She had told him that the Law Lords debated new laws, and then had a secret vote, and if there is a majority in favour of it, it goes to the Graf to be approved. But no one ever knows who voted which way. But apparently, Mueller knew that Wasmeier voted against the new taxes. I think this is probably important, mum, but I don’t know why.

And Blume went up to the palace to try to become a lady of the court. She took Guido with her as a chaperone and to give her a bit of gravitas, although she insisted on treating him like a servant. She hired a litter to take her to the palace so she would arrive a bit more like a proper lady. And Guido announced her like he was her servant.

And after asking to be shown to Bruegel, the chamberlain, she was admitted. And that shows you how far she has come, mum, because if she’d tried that a couple of weeks ago she would have been out on her ear. But she was shown to a reception area and offered refreshments.

And when Bruegel asked her what she could bring to the position, Blume said a new perspective, as an outsider, and then she went into how she thwarted the plans to assassinate Katarina, which were plans that Blume had imagined on the first day of the carnival (it seems like months ago, now, mum). And she said she could be a trade delegate for the Spice Islands which impressed Bruegel, (even though Middenheim is landlocked). And Bruegel said he was familiar with the islands.

Then Guido stepped in to talk about the spice port of Copher, which he had recently researched because he was interested in the witch that Abu Tawb was hunting. He went on about its strong ties with the Tilean trading houses, but he was a bit boring and Bruegel had to stop him.

In the end Bruegel said he required two references from Blume and he would consider her for the role of a lady of the court. She suggested she use Wallenstein and Pavarotti as references but Bruegel winced at both of those suggestions. I think they were both a bit too wild for him. And so she suggested Prunkvoll and Dieter and Bruegel agreed that they would be appropriate.

So when they left the meeting, Guido went to find Dieter and Blume went to see Prunkvoll. The Knight Eternal invited Blume in and she said that after their previous meeting when he had told her to do much more ladylike things that she had considered his advice and agreed with him. So she had decided to become a lady of the court, and that he would be the perfect reference. This pleased and flattered Prunkvoll and he was happy to write one for her. Prunkvoll seemed to think that Bruegel was a good person, with traditional values, too.

I Siegfried Prunkvoll of the city of Middenheim and all its domains in right mind and body do endorse the Lady Blaum Hoffnung of the Spice Islands to be considered a lady of the court. I highly recommend her personality and chastity.

Then Blume told him that if she was able to return the favour then Prunkvoll should not hesitate to ask. And she asked whether she might call him Sir Prunkvoll, but he insisted that Knight Eternal was the more proper title.

And Guido went back to the Templar’s to write a similar letter that he could get Dieter to sign. And he saw that Willow was getting ready to open her clinic and he remembered that he had promised to help out.

So Willow had come back from the Physician’s Guild a proper physician and immediately set up her free clinic. Uli the landlord said she could use his stables for free as long as she generated some footfall. And she managed to get a ribbon from him so that it could be cut for a grand opening. And she got her lambs guts, witch hazel, yoghurt, and cranberry juice from Tiasmara. And all this went on the tab, which means Dreamy will end up paying for it. And then Willow stood outside the inn and shouted ‘free clinic’ at anyone who passed by.

I have to say, mum, I thought that Kirsten was just being polite when she said she and Dieter would turn up to open the clinic, but they did turn up, and even arrived early for the ribbon cutting.

Then Willow told Dieter that she needed some buckets moving and asked him to come into the stable. But this was just a clever ruse to get him alone. And when she had him in the stable she got out the ribbon-cutting knife and hypnotised him with it (that may have been slightly unethical – Willow).

Then she asked him what he thought about the new taxes and Dieter said, ‘I think the Temple Tax is a good idea. Those priests have been stacking up gold for years. Look at the Temples! Everyone knows the Wizards have chests of gold put away, and the Alchemists actually make the stuff! Dwarfs are thrifty people, very good with gold. They can afford to pay a little more. The city needs the money, and those who can pay should pay,’ which is exactly what he had said every time the subject had come up.

Willow realised he had been hypnotised and then used her new hypnotism powers to de-hypnotise him. And she also asked him who had hypnotised him. Dieter said it was a woman called Charlotte who he met at The Showboat in the Great Park. Willow thought that Charlotte might have been the mysterious blond-haired Frau Kenner we were after, but Dieter said she was red-haired and spoke with a Bretonnian accent.

Then Willow asked him about the Law Lords, and all Dieter said was he felt sorry for Ehrlich because he was so painfully shy. And then she woke him out of his trance and he apologised for falling asleep. And when she asked him about the taxes he gave a more reasonable reply which was sympathetic to the dwarf point of view.

When they had finished Guido got Dieter to sign Blume’s reference. He played on Dieter’s sympathy for commoners (because he is one) and he even suggested that Blume could take Kirsten’s place at court because she would be leaving soon as they were going to be married.

And when Guido asked him how his chat with Willow had gone he said she had just asked him to move some buckets. And Willow asked Guido whether she should tell Dieter about all the hypnotism, but Guido told her absolutely not to.

And then the clinic began and a few people turned up to be treated although some seemed to be under the impression it was just an STD clinic. And a barmaid from the Pit turned up because Willow had invited them for addiction treatment. And Willow hypnotised her against taking drugs. And while she was doing it, she asked her about a blond lady who might go there. And the barmaid said there was one who bought lots of Ranny D from Bruno every Festag. And she said she wore rings with Ranaldan symbols on them, she wore a blue hood, and spoke softly with a Nordlander accent.

Meanwhile Dreamy was up near the palace chatting to the guards about the blond lady who came on Festags. He spoke to a few who had seen her, and they explained that they were under orders to just let her in but they didn’t know why, and they didn’t now what she did. But that wasn’t too unusual as the palace had quite a few visitors like that.

Then Guido dropped off the references for Bruegel in person and when Bruegel said he would let him know, he gave Blume’s address as the Templar’s Arms. And then he felt the need to cover for Blume living in such a down-market establishment and used Erina Eberhauer’s fire as an excuse.

So that’s that, mum, for this letter. I’m not sure what we will be doing for the rest of the day. I don’t think anyone wants to watch the castrates. We wanted to go to the joust, but it turns out that that is invitation-only and we don’t have one, although I expect Guido could get us one. I’ll write to you soon, though.