76: Jacko Warble

Hi, mum. It turns out I did get to go to the joust. Blume got Prunkvoll to bring her as part of her campaign to become a lady of the court, and she brought me along as her page. She managed to accidentally bump into Prunkvoll outside the bit of the Great Park cordoned off for the joust, and got him to invite her. And when she touched Prunkvoll she got a weird shock off his armour, and he explained that the armour was imbued with magical properties which were many and varied, and it had been handed down from one Knight Eternal to the next.

It didn’t seem very fair to only let the rich people and nobles into the joust, but that’s what bigs are like. And Blume had to pay for it in kind because she had to listen to Prunkvoll go on about the finer points of jousting for hours. I was able to wander off for a bit but it must have ben very boring for her. Princess Katarina was there with Petra and Natasha so they would have been good for Blume to be seen with but she was stuck talking with Prunkvoll.

I spotted Janna Eberhaeur and went to talk to her. I didn’t really know what to say, and although I don’t really care whether Janna and Allavandrel get it on, I told Janna that Erina and Willow had been talking about it, and she said she would really like to be introduced to him. So, Janna asked Erina to ask Willow to ask Dreamy to ask Allavandrel for a date. I’m not sure why she just can’t go round his house and say, ‘How about it, Al?’ but that’s bigs for you.

I also asked her about Wallenstein and Wasmeier and she said Wasmeier was a good friend to the wizards as he was a wizard himself, and he was strongly against the wizard tax. I have to say I was surprised to learn he was a wizard, but apparently Middenheim wizards don’t dress silly like Altdorf ones do.

Meanwhile, everyone else went off to the Showboat nearby to see if they could find out about the mysterious Charlotte, the red-haired, green-eyed, Bretonnian-accented hypnotist. Because Dieter couldn’t remember being hypnotised, Willow warned everyone before going in to close their eyes and hum something if they thought someone was trying to hypnotise them, which sounded like good advice.

The Showboat was a restaurant and cabaret spot overlooking the Black Pool and was very swanky. Guido spoke to Rolf the doorman about Charlotte, who looked like he was genuinely trying to remember her, but couldn’t. And he also asked about the blond-haired, softly-spoken, blue-hooded, Nordlander-accented Frau Kenner, and Rolf didn’t know her, either. Guido even tried to bribe Rolf but he just politely returned the money.

Then he went to fetch Harry the chef (not me, mum). And they took a glimpse inside the restaurant and there were lots of small private rooms in there, which made then think that it was easy to find some privacy, if you were hypnotising someone in there. It also made Willow think it was easy to get some privacy if you were to do other things (I think I got the wrong end of the stick – Willow).

Then the chef turned up who was called Harrani Busuk, and Guido just wandered off to leave Willow and Dreamy to discuss genealogies and have a gossip. Harry remembered seeing the red-head with Dieter a few months ago. He said Dieter was already drunk and came in for food, and the red-head approached him. And then he saw Dieter asleep and thought that was a bit odd. And he said he hadn’t seen her since.

Meanwhile, back at the joust Blume asked Prunkvoll about drugs, but he said the only drug he needed was the honour of service. He seemed to think that drugs were made by wizards and that they were unchivalrous. Blume asked him about the blond woman and he said it made sense as drugs were a poison and poison was for women. And Blume pretended to agree. And I told Prunkvoll that we had seen a giant rat but Blume just shoved me out the way and talked over me. I guess this is how it will be when Blume becomes a lady of the court. She will decide she is too good for us and stop hanging out with us. I can’t wait.

And on the way out Blume managed to have a quick word with Petra and they agreed that the joust was ghastly but Petra said it might be better if they didn’t blunt their lances.

Guido decided that we should ask Dieter to get his military friends to search for the two mysterious women. Guido, Dreamy, and Willow found Dieter at the snotball and invited him to a private room at the nearby Graf’s Repose, where they filled him in on a lot of what we had found out, and told him about how he had been hypnotised, which was a great surprise to him. And Guido told him he wanted the city watch to look for the women and some soldiers to keep an eye on the Pit on Festag.

Dieter took all this very seriously and went to fetch Ulrich Schutzmann who was the head of the watch. And so when Schutzmann arrived Guido went through what we knew again. And he told him not to trust many people with this news as we didn’t know who was in on it, or who could have been hypnotised. Schutzmann agreed to search for the women and have the Pit watched and at the end of the meeting Schutzmann said that Guido was a hero. But Guido said that he wasn’t a real hero and he had just been dragged into things, which is exactly what Guido would say but I’m sure he secretly agreed.

Everyone ended up back at the Templar’s. It was the first night of the Black Pool Illuminations which was exciting, but I think everyone decided they would be able to watch them the next day, and so could have an early night.

But I had to go to work, and I asked Guido to remind me of the Estalian dog commands, which I forgot straight away, again. At work, Jacko told me we would be doing the beat slightly differently. We did the normal route for most of the way, but when we got below Osttor, Jacko opened three of the gates, and then we went on a bit of a detour, and returned to the gates about half an hour later.

We saw a man with a cart moving through the tunnels, and Jacko told me to wait round the corner, while he went to talk to him. I was going to just wait, but then I thought what would Guido want me to do, and so I followed a bit behind Jacko so I could spy on them. I managed to get a decent view of them and I don’t think Jacko noticed me. I could see that the cart had padded wheels which were good for getting around the sewers, and it was full of artisan breads. And Jacko took some money for the man.

Jacko came back and gave me a loaf of pumpernickel, and we went back to lock the gates. He asked me what I thought about it. I am very anti-smuggling and I thought back to my time in the Stirland River Patrol (Mootland Company) and how we had stopped a major cheese smuggling ring, and I thought of how a bit of cheese on that pumpernickel would have been delicious.

But I also thought about how I had vowed to uphold the law, but I said to Jacko that I was fine with it, and so he gave me three shillings. He said that I could join the other sewer jack patrol if I wasn’t. I said I was happy with the money and that I would buy the drinks at the Regent’s that evening. But when we got there I wasn’t feeling that good about it, and so I left pretty early.

So, mum, I’m not saying I approve of smuggling. I still don’t. But I think that sometimes to get close to the nefarious you have to be a bit nefary. And I think Guido would have wanted me to pretend to be with the smugglers so I could find out more information about them.

But on the other hand, I did allow the smuggling, and I did take the money, and I did eat the bread, so I did exactly the same as the smugglers. I’m not sure writing it down here helps, anyway, because if the authorities do bust the smuggling ring, I will be hanged or thrown in jail. I don’t think it will help if I tell them that I wasn’t really doing it for real, and they should ask my mum.

Anyway, I was feeling a bit guilty, and so I went back to the Templar’s and didn’t get much sleep there, either. So I’m not looking forward to the next day of the carnival (thankfully there’s only two days left) and I’m not looking forward to my next day at work.