89: DEG

Hi, mum, remember we are on our way to talk to the dwarfs at the Dwarfen Engineers’ Guild. That Vinny character was tagging along, as well. I’m sure you guessed Willow didn’t write my last letter because of the neat hand writing and lack of smudges, and an absence of crumbs and pipeweed in the pages.

Ulrich Schutzmann said we could feel free to employ the clerks at the watch house for minor administrative tasks. I hope you don’t mind being considered a minor administrative task, mum.

We explained to Vinny that we suspected the thief had come from the sewers, but he was a bit sceptical that we had been sniffing her. I suppose he just doesn’t understand proper investigative techniques. And in the end he annoyed Guido so much Guido had to do a cloak swirl and flounce off.

Then he started talking to Blume about her big house (I thought he said big arse, mum), which made her worried that he was casing it with a view to robbing the place. But Fred managed to put Blume’s mind at rest by telling her her arse was fine (he might have meant her house, mum).

Fred reminded Blume that she should take the security of her premises seriously, and so she invited Guido to come and stay with her, as long as he didn’t burn the house down. But I’m not sure whether that was just because she wanted help to protect the house or she actually missed him.

She talked about doing up the house chapel for him, and Guido said that it might be progressive to dedicate the chapel to more than one god, if not all of them, which sounds a bit blasphemous to me, mum. To be honest, I’m not sure whether Guido is actually religious or he just pretends to be to impress people, like Blume pretends to be rich.

Then I was left chatting to Vinny as everyone else had stropped off in disdain of his villainy. He told me how he sleeps under a table at the Lucky Fish, and so I mentioned sleeping under the table at the Regent’s Arms, and then I probably went on a bit too much about how I had not had any proper sleep since we had got to Middenheim and how I kept having nightmares about the snake hair lady, and the huge eye in Boegenhafen, and the pink magic, and the rat people, and Dreamy, and how no one had even asked me whether I was alright. So, I don’t think he’ll be chatting to me much, now.

The DEG building was squat like a dwarf but obviously very solid and carefully crafted but not spectacular, as you might expect, mum. Vinny and Fred went for a scout around the outside to look for ways in and decided someone might be able to climb up a drain and get to the roof skylights. And I went on an inspection of the manholes and decided any of them could have been used by a thief.

And while we were doing that Guido and Blume went into the guild house and spoke to an engineer. He was a grumpy dwarf called Krumm. They told him they had come to investigate the burglary and the murder but Krumm was very clear that there couldn’t have been a murder because the victim was involved in burglary, and there couldn’t have been a burglary because nothing was stolen, which I think makes sense, mum.

He was also very reluctant to let them inspect the scene of where no crimes had taken place as they weren’t guild members or dwarfs, and only a small portion of the guild house was accessible to non-members or non-dwarfs. And they had a bit of an argument about proportional force.

Blume tried to get in on the strength of her being an engineer, but I think she has left her studies behind a bit, now. She tried to use Aynjulls Isembeard’s name as a former tutor, which would probably have impressed the dwarfs, but she couldn’t remember it.

It was very hard doing any sort of investigation with the intransigent dwarfs, but I think they didn’t actually ask us for help, they had just reported the death of the thief to the watch, which is their civic duty. And Schutzmann had heard about it, and thought we should look into it.

In the end Fred had to step in and bring a bit of professionalism to the chat and Krumm let us all go up to the roof. Vinny eventually spotted that one of the skylights had marks around it that looked like it might have been made by teeth. This was a bit weird and got us thinking about the tooth necklace we had found on the thief, but I think it would have been too small to have done all that.

I said that the thief might have been a werewolf but Vinny said that werewolves would be rubbish thieves as they couldn’t touch silver and they couldn’t work under a full moon, and I think he makes very good points, mum, even though werewolves aren’t real.

On the way out we had a look at the guild house visitors book but we couldn’t read what it said because it was in Khazalid. So we had to leave without having found out very much at all.

As we were leaving Vinny decided he needed to confiscate the pillow on one of the chairs there, as evidence. Krumm wasn’t very keen on this but Vinny said it might contain hairs, and he flashed a KITUM warrant. This was strange because he had never been given one.

And when we got outside we all checked our warrants and Blume discovered that hers had been stolen. So she pulled a pistol on Vinny and I thought she might shoot him, but he eventually gave it back. Fred said that if he wanted one then he would have to earn it, but I think Vinny thought he had just earned it. That’s how thieves earn things.

Then we discussed what the thief might have been up to. We knew that the books were probably not for her as they had been written in Khazalid, but we didn’t really know much else. Vinny and Fred discussed the low kings (I think they’re like the rulers of the Middenheim criminal gangs, mum) but said it didn’t feel like something they’d be interested in.

To be honest, mum, I know we have this new job, but I don’t think we’re really cut out to be official investigators. I think it is lucky we have Fred with us to help us out on matters of law, and also probably lucky we have Vinny to help us out on matters of criminality.

Anyway, we decided to use our various skills and contacts to see if we could get some idea of who might have wanted those books stolen. Guido went to the temples and invited Blume, as she was showing an interest in religion because of her chapel. Guido looked up some stuff about werewolves, but I don’t think it was that useful, and Blume said a prayer to her pistol.

I mentioned it at work, but everyone just made fun of me. I know I’m new to the shift, but I would have thought they would have been a bit kinder. I might apply to move to a different shift. Raina’s lot are a lot more law-abiding than Jacko’s shift, though.

Vinny went to see his fence at the Lucky Fish. I think he was a Bretonnian (we might be related, mum) called Maurice. They agreed that the items would not have been stolen on spec they were very specialist and there would be no chance of selling them unless they were stolen to order.

Maurice said that he didn’t know why any of the low kings (if they were responsible) would be ordering books like that, but he promised to keep an ear out. I think Maurice owes Vinny a favour.

Fred went to various watch houses to see if there had been any similar crimes, but got nothing. I think everyone thought that it was a very unusual MO and couldn’t think of anything they’d heard of, like it. Although one of the watchmen had a theory that it might be a bird-man.

While he was at the watch house, Fred was informed that Schutzmann had another job for us, and so he found Guido and Blume and they went off to the Square of Martials. Fred reported our (not much) progress on the DEG case, and Schutzmann told them that he had got a tip off that a clerk at the chancellor’s office (remember Sparsam, mum?) had resigned suddenly and left a big mess behind them.

And so we gathered together to head to the chancellor’s office. Vinny told Blume that they had got off on the wrong foot, and tried to give her the pillow he had stolen from the DEG, and said it was for her big arse (or maybe house), but she said that she had enough pillows. I don’t think she knows about olive branches, mum.

Anyway, we’re on our way, there, now, mum. Some things that we have heard over the last few days might interest you. Emmanuelle Schlagen has gone back to Altdorf to follow a career on the stage. And Ar-Ulric resigned and has gone on a pilgrimage to the far north, so those two will probably not be meeting again. The new Ar-Ulric is his brother and is apparently a lot more hardline, so I’m not sure that is great news. The graf is looking a lot more active, now, and is said to be embarking on a new campaign to drive the beastmen from the forest.

I’ll write again soon, mum, and hopefully this clerk won’t get bored of hearing all my news.