145: The Parade

Blume decided that we should all be better dressed if we were to be in the graf’s party, so she went shopping. I think Erina has to wear her college’s robes, and Fred his dress uniform. But she wanted Greta and me to get a better outfit, even though we would both prefer more practical clothes.

And the etiquette at the event was for there to be no armour (I don’t own any armour after my old set of man-made rubbish was wrecked in the battle of Shining Rock.) And unless you had a nice noble rapier, then daggers would be the only weapons allowed. In the end Princess Katarina convinced Blume to be allowed to supply our clothing, as they already had suitable stuff in the Middenheim colours.

And Blume also brought some perfume and sprayed it over us. Greta was more upset than I was about that, and I was pretty annoyed.

Erina went to see one of her college officials about the animated furniture and the other strange events we had witnessed, but he seemed to think it was run-of-the-mill for Altdorf. Although there had recently been an increase in that sort of stuff. Erina asked if there was any sort of contingency for if it happened at the wedding, and the wizard said, ‘we can only hope.’

She also mentioned rat men and nine eyes and although he had heard of the rat men menace he had nothing to say about the nine eyes, except he knew Wilhelmina Novak the magic tutor. Then he mentioned that none of the colleges were being represented officially at the wedding, as they had better things to do than get involved in political squabbles.

We all met up for dinner at Helstein Manor. The graf gave a little speech to his continent and reminded us we were in a foreign city. And he took us aside and told us not to speak unless we were spoken to, and to say as little as possible. I don’t think he completely trusts our discretion.

The next day we all arrived at the pavilion at around quarter to two. The Reikland delegation were already present. And there were some formal greetings. And we waited for the parade to arrive.

We spotted a Colonel Sievers of the Imperial Ostlanders regiment, who I had heard of and knew he had a good reputation among the dwarfs for his mountain campaigns and his cooperation with dwarf regiments of Karaz Ankor. And we saw the High Capitular who looked like he had not recovered from his injuries at Shining Rock. And we saw Holzkrug and Zuntermein who we had previously met at the palace reception in Middenheim. And we saw the High Chancellor Immanuel Ferrand and the Emperor himself.

Greta suggested that we should be a bit more proactive in defence of the pavilion, but Blume And Erina seemed to be enjoying the party, and didn’t look like they were worried we might be attacked.

And then the Countess Emmanuelle of Nuln swept in and Veiran seemed to be getting carried away with all the celebrities. Katarina came to check on us, and we asked her if there was anything we could do, but she just told us to fetch some wine. And so Blume went down to shout at some servants.

Emmanuelle complained about the wine and called it Reikwater. So Blume told off a few more servants and called it dogwash. Blume spoke to Ermine Liebwitz who was steward of the Imperial Wine Cellars and tried to arrange for better wine. Ermine explained that the best wine was for the wedding but despite that the parade wine was still very good and not dogwash.

Greta overheard Ar-Ulric, the High Capitular, and Zuntermein talking about cults of the ruinous powers. And Zuntermein asked Greta about her role in uncovering some of the cults. Greta explained that she had not been involved personally but her colleagues had been. And she added that they had put a dent in a rat man conspiracy in the mountains. I think Greta was being modest but they seemed disappointed that she had achieved no more than a dent.

And Greta went on to tell them that the Purple Hand had groups all over the Empire. Zuntermein asked where the groups were specifically and Greta mentioned Boegenhafen, but said they had a cell structure so one group did not necessarily have contact with another. They thanked Greta for her service. Greta replied that being a witch hunter was a thankless task, which was clearly untrue as they had just thanked her.

As the parade continued Colonel Sievers introduced himself to Erina. Erina told him that her aunt Hilde, the fire wizard, had served with him in the mountains. He said he was there to talk to the Emperor about the orc problem in the mountains. Sievers didn’t look very comfortable in such a formal setting and Erina empathised with him saying that ‘us military types’ were more comfortable ‘out there’ in the wilds on campaign.

Erina mentioned the rat men and said they were like the orcs but with better technology. Sievers said that sounded a bit far-fetched and I don’t think he was that convinced, and I think he would rather stay focused on the orcs.

When Sievers had gone I made a point of going up to Erina and telling her that us military types belonged out there. I think if you spend your whole life out in the mountains surviving in makeshift shelters and foraging then having someone like Erina claim to be at home out there grates a bit, especially as I imagine the harshest decision she has had to make in the mountains is deciding whether to take the common room or a private room.

Then the Carroburg Greatswords paraded past and as well as their usual banners, they were flying the old enchanted one we had delivered to the crown prince. Someone commented on the banner and wondered how it could have got back into the hands of the regiment. And I think Erina was keen to take the credit for it, but when she was asked about it, thought better of it and kept quiet.

Then a Nuln regiment paraded past and the Countess Emmanuelle gave them a wink. Greta whispered to Fred, ‘Surely not the whole regiment!’

Then a platter arrived with the Altdorf delicacy, Reik elvers in pear brandy. Showing willing to enter into the spirit of the wedding, Blume took a big helping of the stuff, and almost managed to get them down her, before she had to make her excuses and retch them up in a corner.

We heard Hildegarde Zimperlich, her chaperone, talking to Katarina and she said, ‘These people, dear, they’re typical decadent southerners. And that one (pointing at Yabo Chao), she’s a foreign agent!’ Katarina told her to shush but Zimperlich continue, ‘that Nulner please, I implore you, have no dealings with her. She’ll corrupt an innocent like you.’

Meanwhile I was listening to the Emperor talk to the Countess. Emmanuelle, and she said something about the Toppenheimers and the Jungfreuds, and when the emperor replied, she asked ‘How would you know?’ And added, ‘Do you speak with Karl-Franz to learn your lines, or does Holzkrug write them for you?’ And when the emperor denied everything she said, ‘Oh come on. You might fool this lot, but I’ve known him since we were children. You’ve been avoiding Todbringer all day. Where is Karl-Franz? Is he truly ill?’ And so I eventually concluded that according to the countess this was not the real emperor, but a double who had been presented to the public, possibly to avoid speculation over the real emperor’s illness.

Then it was time for the Grand Theogonist to lead us in prayers. I don’t understand the umgi gods but despite my reservations that they are a bunch of whiny children, I stood respectfully during the prayer. But suddenly three pigs ran into the pavilion. They were painted in the colours of Reikland, Middenheim, and Nuln, and they appeared to be very drunk.

This causes rather a large kerfuffle, but luckily one ran close to me and I managed to grab it and push it out of the closest exit. Then Blume went to grab one, but given her experience with the elvers, and some of the other stories she had told me, I thought it might be better if she didn’t attempt anything like that, so I gestured for her not to bother. I don’t think she was that bothered about not being allowed to grab a pig, in any case.

Fred managed to grab another one, and throw it out of the pavilion. And Greta tried to kick the final one but she missed. I thought I saw Erina preparing a spell to get rid of the final pig, but given that no magic happened, probably, I must have been mistaken. And I managed to grab the last one, and threw it out. I think some of my mountain survival skills, foraging for baby mountain boar, finally found a use in the city.

Ar-Ulric commented about the state of law and order in Altdorf, and the Emperor assured him that he would do everything he could to locate and punish the hog perpetrators. And the parade contributed. Sievers was sitting alone and managed to spill some soup on him, and so Erina went to sit next to him to make him feel better.

Zuntermein was talking to Holzkrug and Immanuel Ferrand about the Jungfreud situation, and other military matters, and they turned to Greta to ask her opinion, ‘Should we have left Ubersreik to its own devices?’ Greta said that it could have been an overreaction and that there might be better ways to bring people into line. This was a fairly balanced response but it clearly annoyed some listeners, but placated others.

And then the steam tank Indomitable came trundling along. This was plainly one of the highlights of the parade and many in the crowd were extremely impressed. In Zhufbar you see things like this all the time, and I find it pretty boring.

But it was soon clear that the machine was out of control, and some engineers or drivers, were chasing after it as it headed for the pavilion. Blume quickly went to protect Katarina, and lead her out the back of the tent. Fred ran forwards towards the machine and attempted to climb up into it. I followed Fred but stayed walking beside it in case he needed any help. Erina began to organise a barricade by piling up tables and bits of fencing in the tank’s way. Greta was doubtful that the wooden items would stop a steam tank but she helped with Erina’s plan.

Fred got to the cockpit and had a look at the controls to see if he could work out how to stop it. We had both been there when the Sky Wolf had a malfunction, and the crew had shouted that the steam needed venting. And so I shouted for Fred to vent the steam, but I’d no idea what that meant and nor did he. Fred just fiddled with a few of the controls but I don’t think he managed to do anything useful.

But fortunately, there was a sudden crack and the engine fell out the back of the steam tank, and the vehicle ground to a halt, just yards from the pavilion. With the cannon only inches from Zimperlich’s face. Then the engineers came running over and told Fred off for messing with their controls.