17: Das Moot

Hi mum, it’s me again. This is what happened after we fought the mutants on the boat. I think you’ll be proud of me reading this. Remember I always said that one day I would like to be a captain in the river wardens. Well, I’m not in the river wardens anymore, (although we did fight mutants on a boat, so that is just like being in the river wardens) but I have become a captain. A real captain of a real boat. Well, not a real captain, because this is only a temporary measure, but it is a real boat.

So, after getting rescued from the tentacle monster Willow said that was scariest monster she had ever seen (It was the scariest monster I’ve ever seen, but the second scariest was Blume with her blunderbuss – Willow). And she went to have a sit down back on the Berebeli. She asked everyone how they were  feeling, and whether they needed any medical attention, but I think she was feeling by far the worst of all of us.

Guido went about gathering all the bodies and laying them out on the deck, the humans on one side and the mutants on the other. He also got the crossbowed body from the Berebeli, which we had thought was a normal human, but we discovered that he was mutated with a huge mouth in the middle of his chest. Guido seemed very wary of the mutants, even though they were all dead. He wanted to put them in a net and push them over the side, or just burn them, but we decided that it would be best to have them on deck, as that way if anyone wondered why we were sailing a strange boat that didn’t belong to us we would have some evidence of the nefarious.

Blume searched the mutants for money but she only got a few pennies from the furry mutant. I’m not really sure where she found the coins, but I don’t think I would have put my hand in there  even for a gold crown. And then she started whining again about facing all these dangers but never getting much reward.

We didn’t really know whether there were any mutants left skulking below deck, so Guido and Dreamy went down to see. They found the bodies of a couple of mutants in the captain’s cabin and the hold, and unfortunately found the body of the captain and a couple of the crew.

The captain was found in his cabin with the body of a skull-faced mutant who has eyes on stalks. Then in the hold they found a bird-legged mutant with only one eye, and it was next to the bodies of a young couple. We later found out that they were the son and daughter-in-law of the captain. So that was very sad.

We did find one survivor, however. It was a young woman who had hidden in an empty crate because she was frightened of the mutants. I have to say, after seeing the skull-faced one, I may have hidden in the crate as well, so I don’t think we can judge her. But, I noticed everyone else was kind of wary of her.

Her name was Renate and Guido and Dreamy questioned her about her role on the boat. She said she was a pedlar but had been working on the boat to get back to her home in Gruenberg. She said she hadn’t known the captain and the other crew very long.

Judging by her clothes and jewellery we thought she might be from a Strigany family. That might be why Blume didn’t seem to like her, because I had heard that some humans don’t like Strigany for some reason. I think they say they eat babies and harbour vampires, which doesn’t sound very likely.

I think Dreamy and Guido thought she may be a secret mutant and so they were keeping a close eye on her. She seemed alright to me, and as she said she was a pedlar and able to fix things, I gave her my sword to see if she could do anything with the loose hilt. Guido didn’t want me to. I think giving your sword to a potential enemy is not a very Myrmidian thing to do, but I did it anyway. And Renate did give it back a bit later, all repaired, so that was good.

Dreamy reported that they had found seventy-five large sacks of wool in the hold. I’m not sure about Reikland river law but if it’s anything like the Mootland and Averland then because we had found the boat and rescued the remaining crew, we were entitled to the cargo as salvage.

I wasn’t sure how much the cargo would be worth, but Willow said it would be about a crown a sack, so that was a lot of money. Dreamy worked out that seventy-five sacks at a crown a piece would be about seventy-five crowns, but I’m not sure about that.

We were having this conversation away from Blume (In my opinion, as a trained medical professional, I think she went off to have another shit – Willow), because it involved lots of money, and she seems to like money a bit too much, but I think she overheard anyway.

Having a good look round the boat, there was a nice big captain’s cabin, with a sort of balcony on the back which looked good for fishing or for having a nice beer of an evening as the sun sets behind the yard arm, or something. Anyway, it made me want to be captain, and as no one else knew how to sail properly, I declared myself captain, and of course ship’s cook. And I was still first mate, and I also needed to be boatswain.

I think that I may have been a bit bossy about being captain, but I was excited to have a real boat and so I spent a lot of time ordering people around and getting them to do stuff that they didn’t really know how to do (I think you were a bit bossy – Willow). Anyway, the most important thing about having a boat is that it needs a good captain. Guido did suggest I delegate some of the roles on board, but I was probably having too much fun doing them all to take any notice. And Renate asked me if she could be first mate and I explained that she could be second mate if she proved herself to be a worthy crewmember.

Willow wanted to use some of the wool to make a hat for baby Elsa, but I told her that she couldn’t just take stuff form the cargo, and so she borrowed one of the pennies Blume had taken from the furry mutant to pay for it. This is irregular as the cargo can’t just be bought and sold willy nilly in the middle of a voyage like that, but once Willow  gets an idea like that it’s hard to stop her (I just wanted to make a nice hat for the baby – Willow). And I didn’t want Blume’s smelly money, which was genuinely smelly.

Willow went up on the bow where Guido had placed all the bodies and went through their stuff. She found about thirty shillings and a couple of mail coats and a couple of mail coifs. I wondered whether this actually counted as salvage, but she took it anyway (I think it did count as salvage – Willow).

She then went to the mutant pile and sort of studied them, making lots of notes in her book. I think she was trying to discover what was common between them, but I think they were all so random and unusual she couldn’t really find anything.

Willow asked Renate about being Strigany and asked her if she knew Mystic Megret. She said she did as she had just been to the Schaffenfest and had had her fortune read there. Willow asked if Megret’s eyes had rolled back in her head during her vision, but Renate said she had just said she would meet a tall, dark, and handsome man. Willow decided that Guido was tall, dark, and handsome. But then, Megret had said that Blume would meet a tall, dark, and handsome man, too. And to be fair to Mystic Megret, they had both met Guido, so she had been absolutely right about that.

Blume said she was worried that Renate may turn against us, and blame us for the deaths of the crew, which didn’t seem very likely as she was clearly grateful to us for saving her. I just don’t think Blume liked Renate for some reason. I think maybe she just doesn’t like Strigany, which seems a bit unfair. But then Blume just doesn’t like a lot of things.

I had a look on the charts in the captain’s cabin, or as I call it, ‘my cabin,’ and I saw that Gruenburg was four or five days travel the other side of Altdorf, so I think whatever happens, we’ll be having Renate with us for at least a week, which didn’t seem to please Blume, but at least I will have someone who actually knows how to sail on board. Blume said she wouldn’t have to look at her pretty face again, after a week, which seems like an odd complaint to have against someone. But Blume is odd.

So I eventually got everyone organised enough to sail the boat and we set all three sails at once and managed to shift the boat off of the bank it was stuck on. And we were sailing. And I was the captain.

I think we got on quite well. Blume did something wrong so I got Renate to take her place, and then Blume flounced off below deck for some reason. We were making quite a good team, except Willow kept forgetting she was on lookout and went around the boat chatting to everyone (Chatting to everyone is more fun than being lookout – Willow).

Willow went up to Guido while he was washing the blood off the deck and asked if he liked girls, and he said he did, and so she blurted out that Renate thinks he is tall, dark, and handsome, and then ran away giggling.

It was about his time, I think, that Dreamy had a quiet word with Blume about her endangering Willow with her reckless blunderbuss shot, and told her not to do it again, or she would have to deal with him. Blume didn’t seem too repentant and insisted that it had contributed to killing the tentacle monster and so helped save Willow’s life. Dreamy told her that as we should be coming into some money for the salvage, she might want to invest in a more discerning weapon. I know when I get some money, I’ll be buying a brace of  pistols, mum.

As we sailed Willow went around chatting to everyone and bringing them tea, and she suggested Guido and Blume should use the mail armour that she had borrowed from the dead crew. Guido warned Willow about using the mutants’ equipment and she assured him this stuff belonged to the humans. They had a bit of a chat about the mature of mutants. I think Willow said it might be an affliction of the mind, but Guido said that it was  very clear that it manifested in physical ways. I’m not quite sure what philosophical nuance they were discussing, however (Nor am I – Willow).

And Renate suggested she could adjust the armour to make it fit better. She suggested that she needed to take it out a bit to fit Blume, and that caused Blume to flounce off below deck, again. I’m not sure why Blume was in such a bad mood, all day. Then Renate measured Guido to see if his would fit, and I think she did a very thorough job of getting all Guido’s measurements.

We talked about tracing the boat’s rightful inheritors. Renate wasn;t much help because she had only been on the crew for a few days and didn’t know the captain very well. And we realised that the boat didn’t even have a name, at least it didn’t have a name plate. Blume suggested we call it leaky bottom, but I think she was projecting. And Willow suggested, to remind us all of home, that we name it Das Moot. I was going to name it after you, mum, but everyone seemed to like Das Moot. I think Brassica Chard has a certain ring to it, too, though.

As I got a bit more used to sailing Das Moot I started to manage it just on my own. For tricky manoeuvres, landings, and unusual hazards, the crew is necessary, of course. But for plain sailing it was mostly just me and my tiller. This was a bit disappointing as I was enjoying giving everyone lots of orders. And I noticed Guido seemed to take orders very well, like he had been trained to obey his superiors and he was comfortable in that sort of hierarchy. But anyway, without me ordering everyone about, the crew just fell into chatting and watching the Reikland go by.

Guido was talking a lot to Blume, and I think they were comparing how rich they were. Guido doesn’t strike me as the boastful sort, but he seemed to be getting a bit competitive with Blume. Or maybe that was just Blume getting the worst out of him. She gets the worst out of us, sometimes, too.

But Guido said that his father was very wealthy, and had six ships, and a vineyard in Estalia, and traded the finest wines, and had offices in Marienburg. And he asked if that was true wealth, and Blume said it was. But then he said his father did not get on so well with his four sons, and he had failing health, and he lost his wife many years ago, and so was he really wealthy? Blume said he was, of course, but it makes you think, doesn’t it, mum (I’ve been thinking about it, and I think the most valuable thing you can have is your health – Willow). (And some fuggleweed!) Anyway, Blume told Guido to write to his father and tell him he was thinking of him, which was a very nice thing for her to say. And Guido said he’d think about it.

And I think all this time Willow was smoking Fuggleweed with Renate. So not only did Willow not do her duty, she encouraged my best crewmember to not do hers, as well. But we managed to reach a boating inn before night fell without any incidents, and tied up behind the Berebeli. I made a very good job of docking, especially as it was my first go at it. And then I went with Josef to report what had happened. The people at the inn accepted our report but told us that we should make a more formal report to the river wardens at Weissbruck. That was fine as we have to go to Weissbruck, anyway.

Then Josef invited me for drinks, but I had to go back to Das Moot and write my captain’s log (even though I can’t really write, I put some squiggles in the logbook), and do some boatswaining, and cook the evening meal, and prep for breakfast. I gave everyone the evening off for being such a good crew, and they went to the inn and had drinks and pies, which meant they didn’t even eat the food I had made. The loneliness of command!

I think, in the inn, Willow gave Blume the hat she had knitted. I’m not sure that knitting is conducive to being on lookout, but never mind, we didn’t hit anything. I don’t think Blume liked it particularly, but Willow said it was a gift because she loved her. I think she had just had too much Fuggleweed.

Renate left the inn early. I think she was probably just tired after a difficult day, but Guido still didn’t trust her and so followed her out. And Blume got mad about that, as well. Blume had got mad at pretty much everything involving Renate since we found her. I’ve no idea what that’s about. Guido watched Renate board the boat but there was nothing suspicious. She went to tell me goodnight, and I made her second mate, which pleased her. I told her it was because she was my best crewmember, but to be honest, she is the only crewmember who knows what they’re doing. And then she went down to the hold and went to sleep.

Then everyone came back from the inn, and Blume went off to sleep on her own, like normal. And Guido went to sleep on his own, too. Willow and Dreamy took down all the spare hammocks so they could sleep in them on the floor. I finished doing my captaining for the night and went to bed. But after about five minutes it was feeling too lonely so I started to go down to the hold. But then I remembered my captain’s duty, and reluctantly went back to the captain’s bed all on my own.

But a few minutes later Willow and Dreamy came in carrying the hammocks and jumped into bed. And so we all had a good night’s sleep, after all. So, I think the best thing I learned today, is that no matter how high up the chain of command you go, you can still muck in with the rank and file.

To be honest mum, nothing really happened after we killed the mutants so it’s hard to know why I spent a whole letter telling you all about it not happening. Anyway, we Halflings seem to be able to fill the day whatever is happening, and so that is what we did today. I will write again soon to tell you what we did the next day, which is tomorrow, even if it’s not very much at all. I don’t know whether it will be interesting, or fun, or dangerous, or even nefarious, because it hasn’t happened yet. Love Harry.