18: The Happy Man Inn

Hello, mum. Here’s what happened the next day after the last one I told you about, which is now yesterday. Before breakfast on Das Moot, we got a bucket of tar and Willow wrote ‘Das Moot’ on the side of the boat. I’m not sure this was strictly legal, as we didn’t own the boat, but were merely looking after it for the as yet unknown owners. Then Willow drew some flowers and some love hearts on the side, too. And I think it was best I took the tar away otherwise we would have ended up with a boat with pictures all over it (I only did a couple of flowers and hearts – Willow).

Guido was on deck early doing his exercises, or prayers, or martial training, or whatever it was. And Renate brought him his mail coat and she had managed to make it fit perfectly. He asked her about being a Strigany, but I think she said she wasn’t one, even though she looked like she might be. She said she just liked their look, and their attitude, and their love of travel. And she said she really wanted to go home to Gruenberg as soon as possible which doesn’t sound like a love of travel to me.

Guido then asked me about my plans for the day and what he needed to do. I took some time to explain the breakfasts I had planned but he didn’t seem interested in that and was impatient to be given something to do aboard the boat. It was nice to see him taking an interest, especially when compared to the rest of my crew, but I did think he was being a bit pushy. As we say in the Mootland, look after the breakfast and the day will look after itself.

Guido then went to talk to Josef and asked him about the cargo of wool we were carrying and where it would be best to sell it, which seemed like a good idea. We hadn’t really thought about any of that. I think it’s more complicated than it looks being the captain of a sailing boat, especially when you’re responsible for a large cargo and a young, inexperienced crew. Anyway, Josef told him the best thing to do was to wait until we get to Altdorf because that would get us a better price, and also, he said, it might look bit dodgy selling it before we officially inform the river wardens at the Weissbruck Canal.

Then we all had another chat about all the things that had gone on and what they might mean, and as usual, no conclusions were drawn. Willow read out the name Etelka Herzen on the letter that sounded very nefarious and said it looked like she was in Grissenwald. I recalled Grissenwald from hearing about river travel generally, and knew it was up the Reik a long way south, on the way to Nuln. And I wondered whether Etelka was the cause of all the nefarious as it seemed like she had sent the evil scroll to the Ordo Septenarius. Blume was keen to travel up the Reik, but I think that was only because Gruenberg was on the way, and she wanted to get rid of Renate as soon as possible.

It took us a while to finish the conversation and begin the journey again and I think Guido was still a bit impatient because he insisted that I allocate everyone a role. So I got Dreamy to go on watch and Renate to do the sails, and Willow and Guido went to empty the bilge, which left Blume to do the washing up, which she complained about, of course. As it happens, the previous captain was fastidious and left a very clean bilge, cleaner than Blume left the dishes.

When they were swabbing the bilge, Guido asked Willow lots of questions. I’m not really sure why he’s so interested in us, and so keen to accompany us, but it clearly has something to do with Myrmidia, and I think he is as confused as us as to why she wants him to look out for us. In any case the questioning stopped because Willow attacked him with her mop, and he fought back so they all got covered in water. That is exactly the sort of behaviour that shouldn’t go on aboard a well-run ship (But it was really fun – Willow).

After about half a day’s sailing we got to Weissbruck, and I was very careful to make sure I docked very well, because there were lots of river folk about watching and I was a new captain. I gave everyone shore leave, but Renate didn’t know whether she wanted to leave the boat, and called it unsure leave, which was funny. Willow, Dreamy, and Blume took her with them, though when they went to sell the weapons we had salvaged. Guido decided he wanted the crossbow, after all, but they still had a sword and lots of daggers to sell, and the two coifs.

They found some likely buyers and Willow tried to haggle again, and even though she is probably a bit too honest for haggling, she managed to get a decent price for three of the daggers. While they were haggling, however, one of the traders did the hand signal thing, with the finger in the ear, that the people had done to Blume on Koenigsplatz in Altdorf. I think she was beginning to get a bit annoyed about it.

Meanwhile, Guido and I went to see the harbourmaster. We thought he would be the one that we had to report the bodies and the boat to, but he didn’t seem that interested, and told us to contact the river wardens on the canal. I did have to pay ten shillings though, just to park the boat. I think river boating can get expensive, and so it’s important to make a lot of money on your cargo just so you can afford to dock somewhere to try to sell it.

Interestingly, though, when we tried to explain to the harbourmaster what had happened with the mutants on the river, and he didn’t want to know that, either. He insisted on calling them pirates, which I suppose they were, but I think this is to do with the emperor’s edict we had heard about on our way upriver, saying that there was no longer such a thing as a mutant. I think it’s going to be difficult reporting mutants to the river wardens if there’s no longer any such thing, but we’ll see how that goes.

Guido was concerned about the bodies of the crew and asked the harbourmaster if we could borrow a cart so we could wheel them up to the garden of Morr, which he agreed to.

Blume was still acting strangely around Renate and Dreamy reminded Willow of when Avocado Thistlebottom lost the scarecrow competition to Fern Lavenderdew and then burned her scarecrow. But I don’t need to tell you anything about that, do I, mum.

Anyway, Willow and Dreamy asked a basket trader where Elvyra Kleinestun’s was and got distracted and ended up buying a new trug for all the herbs that Willow is going to pick. Three shillings for a trug, mind! And they found out that Elvyra’s was near the Happy Man Inn, and so headed up there. But when they got there (it was obvious which house it was because it was surrounded with lots of herbs and other plants) they found the window had been broken and Dreamy noticed some threads on the broken glass like someone had broken in through the window.

Inside, the place was a proper mess, and it looked like it had been completely ransacked, with all her plants on the floor and the glass jars of concoctions broken. Willow found a handwritten note which said:

This is your final warning!

Deliver the goods to the Red Barn by sunset tonight!

And while they were looking through the room, Dreamy heard a faint sound coming from behind a cupboard and felt a draught coming from behind it, too. And he soon found the cupboard moved to reveal some stone steps leading down to the cellar.

Willow said she was too frightened to go down into the cellar, but Dreamy said that he would look after her, and asked her how it would look if she had to write back to Harry’s (that’s me) mum (that’s you, mum) saying that you (that’s me – Willow) were too frightened to go down into the cellar. So in the end she agreed to follow Dreamy down.

The cellar was undisturbed, and Dreamy found a young girl hiding there. She was very frightened but Dreamy and Willow were good at putting her at her ease. She said her name was Liza and was ten years old, and that Elvyra had been looking after her. She had heard some men come to the house and take Elvyra away and had said something about the red barn.

They also found a false panel in the wall that had a lock on it. They asked Liza about it, and she said that Elvyra had the key. Liza seemed to think that she had been locked in the cellar for a couple of days, and she was very hungry so they took her back to Das Moot for some Scramborridge.

Meanwhile Blume had come back to the boat and was telling me and Guido about the man who had just signalled to her with the mysterious cultist sign. Guido was concerned that that meant the halflings would be in danger but I told him it was just a Blume thing, and he didn’t seem to think that was so serious.

So Guido insisted we load up the cart with the bodies of the old captain and his two crew and take them up to the garden of Morr. We managed to get one of the priests to write a note about the bodies that we would be able to give to the river wardens. I asked them about the mutants and what we should do with their bodies, but they did not seem to want to discuss them much. They told me that since the imperial edict, there was no such things a mutants so it was difficult to know what to do with them.

While we were doing that, one of the initiates wandered up to Blume and gave her the sign. I think she must have been really annoyed with that by now, and so she copied him. The initiate seemed pleased that his signal had been returned and he grabbed Blume’s hand, as if to shake it. And then he left. After a bit she noticed that one of her hands had turned purple and she rushed back to Das Moot to scrub it.

She did a lot of scrubbing but whatever the purple stuff on her hand was, it wouldn’t come off. And then Renate came in to offer her the mail shirt she had been working on. Blume was a but critical of Renate’s work, but it looked like it fitted alright to me.

Blume said there was only room for one of either her and Renate on the boat. I think we all agreed that we needed a competent sailor, who could fix things, and mend armour, and that wasn’t Blume. Then Willow talked to them about Guido and said he was a bit of a fitty, and Renate joked that he was too old for Blume, and so Blume realised that when they’d been on the fuggleweed the night before Willow had told Renate all about her thing with Albrecht Steinhaeger, and then got really angry about it ( I may have said something about it – Willow).

Willow talked to Liza about what had happened at Elvyra’s and she said that some men had come and shouted something about the red barn and the Happy Man Inn and threatened her, but Liza had not seen them because she was hiding, but she said they were big and smelly, as are, to be fair, all humans.

When we had all got back together, I told everyone that Blume was in the Purple Hand, which I think was a fair comment and one that matched the evidence, but Blume got mad again. Then she grabbed Willow and demanded she do something about her purple hand but there wasn’t much she could do about it. And she didn’t want to touch it anyway, in case it was spreading and she didn’t want to end up looking like the Grape Kids. (Remember when you used to tell me the story about the Grape Kids when I was little, mum?) She did suggest, however, that if we found Elvyra then she might be able to help. So, Blume just had to keep her gloves on.

I think Blume was feeling the strain a bit of being followed about by the Purple Hand and being signalled a lot, because she had a bit of a rant telling us not to bring home anymore strays (I think she meant Liza and Renate, not Guido) and not to discuss her behind her back, and not tell anyone about her purple hand, and not write anything about her in her medical journal, or send stuff about her back to Harry’s mum (that’s you, mum).

Guido insisted that we should try to find the red barn as soon as possible. I think he was right, and I think he was quite patient about mentioning it. I think he wanted to mention it a lot earlier, but had to listen to us halflings, and Blume, arguing. He tried to be very patient with us, but I think he’s not really as patient as he appears sometimes. Also, I think having the bodies of the mutants on deck, all the time, annoyed him.

So, we left Renate behind on Das Moot looking after Liza and made our way to the Happy Man Inn. We split up so that we all went in separately to Guido. I think we just wanted to be careful, but sometimes I think it’s best to just turn up somewhere and tell everyone why you’re there. But sometimes that’s the last thing you want to do. So, it can be difficult to decide which is which at any one time, especially with all the strange things that have been happening to us. Anyway, this time we chose to be careful and surreptitious.

So, while we were all at a different table, Guido came into the tavern and mentioned to the landlord that it looked like the  house nearby (Elvyra’s remember, mum) had been broken into. So they had a chat about her, and then Guido said something about a Red Barn beer, but that didn’t get any recognition from the barman. Then Blume went up and had a chat, and talked about Elvyra’s being broken into, but the landlord didn’t know where Elvyra might be. And then she spoke to some old men in the corner. They didn’t know much but were happy to talk to a beautiful young woman, and I imagine, when you get to a certain age, even Blume looks beautiful.

Then Willow had a chat with a potman called Otto, who said that three ruffians had been staying at the Happy Man for a couple of days, and that they had been asking about Elvyra, and then they left. They had been talking about meeting a boat the next day, but weren’t staying at the Happy Man this evening, and so he didn’t know where they might be. Willow asked whether they were big and smelly, and Otto said they were, and he said they had been carrying a large trunk on a barrow. Willow asked him about a red barn, and he said there was one down the river a bit, on the opposite bank, by the canal. So we did finally find out some useful information (You only have to ask – Willow).

And so that’s the end of this letter. I expect we will be going up to the red barn to see if we can find Elvyra next. I hope nothing dangerous or nefarious happens, but I think those three men sound like they might be trouble. But you don’t have to worry about us, mum, because I think we’ve proved over the last few weeks that we are able to deal with our fair share of trouble. I’ll write again soon.