19: The Red Barn

Hi Mum, in my last letter I told you about us going to Weissbruck to see Elvyra Kleinestun so that Willow could get some herbalism lessons. Remember she had gone missing, but we found a note about a red barn. Well, this letter is about how we went to the red barn to get her back (It wasn’t very pleasant, to be honest, Mrs. Chard – Willow).

After we discussed things, we decided that we should go to the red barn as soon as possible, so we could attempt our rescue just as night was falling. Dreamy got his old uniform out. He said it was because it was mostly green and so it would let him hide in the bushes better, but I think it was because he feels more like a soldier with it on, and we were going to be doing soldiery things. Willow offered to paint his face to make him blend in even more, but she didn’t. I think we had enough painted skin with Blume’s purple palm, anyway.

Before we left for the red barn, Willow went back to Elvyra’s house and put everything back where she and Dreamy had found it, just in case the big smelly men came back and discovered the hidden cellar.

We decided to leave Renate on the boat to look after Liza. Blume said she didn’t trust Liza and that she might be in on it with the big smelly men, and we had to point out she was only ten years old. In any case, giving Renate a job kept her away from Blume which I thought she’d be pleased about. Blume said we had to stop letting random humans join our group and Dreamy pointed out we’d let her join.

So, we travelled up to the canal and managed to find a faded, red-painted barn which looked like it should be the place. Dreamy did a reconnaissance of the area while we all stayed back a bit. The barn was in a bit of a sad state and looked like it hadn’t been used for much for a number of years, but then, that was probably exactly where a bunch of kidnappers would hang out. Dreamy sneaked up and listened at the barn door and he could hear what he thought was the loud snoring of a single person. And then he came back to report to us.

Guido and Dreamy had a discussion, mostly among themselves, about the best tactics to employ if we were to attack the barn, but I think they had contrasting views. I think Guido was more about the theories of war and what he had been taught in the cult of Myrmidia, while Dreamy was more about experience and the practicalities. Even so, they agreed that we should use distraction as a tactic. Guido told us all about an ancient battle where a clever distraction was the key to victory, but I can’t really remember the details or what the battle was called. And I think Dreamy had the experience to realise that no plan survives contact with the enemy.

The plan was for Willow and me to go up to the door and distract whoever opened it, while Dreamy looked on to make sure Willow was safe (and me, too, probably) while Blume and Guido went round the back and Blume climbed up to the hayloft and surprised them from the rear with her Blunderbuss.

So Blume and Guido went round the back of the barn and we tried to time things so that Blume would be in place as Willow and I knocked on the front door. The hayloft was a lot higher than they’d thought, though, and it was difficult to reach, so Guido gave Blume a bump up. But unfortunately, I think because Blume had been so ill, she wasn’t strong enough to keep her grip on the side of the barn, and fell off, luckily into a pile of hay, and already a bit dizzy from her illness, puked up all over the place.

Oblivious to all this, Willow and I knocked on the door of the barn and after a bit of a wait, a big and smelly man, armed with a club, opened the door and told us to go away, although he wasn’t that polite. It was strange, though, that the man, who didn’t look like a farmer, had a really terrible farmers accent. It was so bad, that Willow and I decided he must be faking it (Sometimes people think I am faking my accent, but it is real – Willow).

Willow told him she had some jokes, and I suppose he didn’t really have anything better to do than to stand there and listen to them. I don’t think human humour is quite the same as halfling humour, and punning fruit and vegetables didn’t leave him in the hysterics we thought it might. And when Willow ran out of jokes we offered to do a little dance. I’m not the best dancer, and neither is Willow (Actually I’m quite good – Willow) but all halflings can do a jig and a wheel, and so we did that. And as we did it, I made sure that with every fallback I got a little bit closer to his club, and then, when I was close enough, I grabbed it.

It was a bit of a struggle, but I managed to rip the club from his grasp. And then I took a big swing and hit him with it, doing a nice hit on his back as he turned to run back into the barn. And as he retreated, he called to his mates. And seeing the fight start, Willow ran away shouting that we were only supposed grab the club not hit him with it. And as Dreamy had been watching from the bushes, he took a shot at the man and managed to wing him as he ran away.

Without thinking I followed him into the barn. And shouted that they should give up because they were surrounded. And I told them we were the river wardens which wasn’t strictly true. Little did I know that they weren’t surrounded at all because Blume was sat in a pile of hay around the other side of the barn puking. Luckily, seeing Willow was safe, Dreamy came towards the barn to support me. And hearing the commotion, Guido ran around the barn to help us.

The smelly big reached a ladder at the back of the barn and climbed up into the hayloft. I told them again to give themselves up and I think they may have been discussing it, but they didn’t. And as we approached them, Guido said a prayer or something to Myrmidia, and I think I may have felt a tinge of Myrmidian faith within me, or I may have just been feeling a bit less scared because Guido was by my side.

I think Blume didn’t do anything at all for the whole fight. I’m not sure why. Perhaps she thought this whole thing was beneath her, or perhaps she was too frightened, but I don’t think she is really the sort of person we need with us if we are to confront the nefarious. And I am very thankful that Guido has joined us. It seems like he is the sort of help and support among bigs that we thought we were getting when we invited Blume to travel with us.

Anyway, Willow was wondering about Blume, too, and so she went round the back of the barn to make sure she was ok. And she was ok. I think she was just feeling a bit ill and dispirited that she had fallen from the barn and was just sulking. And after a few words from Willow, I think she got to her feet and was ready to help us, again.

So, Guido, Dreamy, and I approached the hayloft. We could see vague movements up on it and we could hear the bigs’ voices, but we couldn’t see things clearly enough for Dreamy to shoot his bow, and so we knew we needed to climb the ladder.

Guido shouted that they were surrounded, again. And we saw one of the thugs poke his head over the side of the mezzanine, and he was holding Elvyra and had a knife at her throat. This was a difficult situation and Guido told me that it was time for me to show some leadership, but I didn’t really know what to say. I’m only a leader on the boat, really, I’m a ship’s captain not an army captain. Anyway, I asked the thugs to surrender, again, but they didn’t.

Dreamy just had enough of a view of the thug with Elvyra to risk shooting him. To be honest, had it been Willow or perhaps me, who had been captured, I don’t think he would have risked a shot, but because he didn’t really know Elvyra, he took his chances. And the shot hit its mark perfectly, and the thug fell back into the hayloft, dead.

Guido quickly climbed up the ladder and found Elvyra lying next to the dead thug, and shouted at the other two to surrender, saying that as a  Myrmidian he was honour bound to accept their surrender and guarantee that no harm would come to them. The one who had answered the door, and we had wounded, threw his dagger to the floor, but the third one grabbed Elvyra, put his dagger to her neck, and backed away towards the hayloft door.

He was about to jump to the hay below when he caught sight of Blume who raised her gun and threatened to shoot. She said something like the blunderbuss would do so much damage to his face that even his mother wouldn’t recognise him, which I think shocked Willow a bit (Yes, I think it was gratuitous – Willow). Anyway, that was enough to frighten the thug who moved away from the hayloft door and back towards us. I don’t think Willow really believed that Blume would have opened fire, because that would have meant hitting Elvyra, too, but Blume insisted she would have. She said if she was prepared to shoot Willow and Harry, she wouldn’t hesitate to shoot someone like Elvyra who she couldn’t care less about, which I’m taking as a compliment, mum (I’m not – Willow).

Guido kicked the surrendered thug’s dagger away, and tried to speak calmly to the last one. But, I think, while he was talking, he was also manoeuvring him so that Dreamy could get a clear shot at him without endangering Elvyra. But the thug lunged at Guido with his dagger. Guido was able to avoid the attack, and I took the opportunity to hit the thug with the club. And, although I’m not really used to using clubs, I got a very lucky hit on him, and the blood spattered all over me and all over everyone else and I think I must have killed him instantly.

We had killed two of the thugs and the last one had surrendered to Guido, who promised no harm would come to him. So that was that, then. Except, Elvyra suddenly charged at the last thug. Guido shouted at her to stop, but it was too late. She pushed him over the edge of the hayloft, and onto a pile of rusting farm implements below and he died instantly. Who can blame her, I suppose, for still being angry and frightened, but I could tell that Guido was very disappointed with her and upset with himself.

Then Blume and Willow came into the barn and saw the bloody carnage we had wrought. Willow was very shocked that these were just people. I think she thought we must be fighting mutants or monsters again, but they were just normal people. Dreamy tried to console her and explain to her that they were bad people and that we did the right thing to rescue Elvyra, but she was still very upset. Dreamy promised her that we had done everything we could to keep them alive, asking them several times to surrender, which was sort of true. But then Blume told Willow that if she hadn’t made the distraction, none of it would have happened, which made Willow feel even worse.

And it was pretty terrible mum, especially all the blood that sprayed over me when I killed the thug with the club. I think I agree with Willow when she says it's alright fighting monsters, and mutants and things like that, but when you fight normal humans it is very unfortunate.

Blume checked the pockets of the body on the ground floor and found a couple of shillings. I don’t think Guido was very happy about that, but really what harm does it do? And as Blume explained, it was just like the boat’s cargo, a right of salvage. And I checked the pockets of the two on the hayloft and found eight shillings which was handy because it nearly covered the cost of berthing Das Moot for the night, which is an important consideration for a captain.

We had a lot of questions for Elvyra. Dreamy wanted to know why she had been kidnapped and who the thugs were, but she seemed pretty determined not to tell us anything about it. Blume asked her about her bloody flux but she wasn’t able to help with that, either. And then asked her about her purple palm, and Elvyra just told her to wash it off.

I think Willow wanted to stay with Elvyra longer in Weissbruck and learn how to make potions to send people to sleep so we didn’t have to hurt them, but I don’t think anyone else wanted to (I didn’t want to because staying in Weissbruck is so expensive), and Elvyra explained that she and Liza would be leaving town as soon as possible, in any case.

They went back to her house, and Elvyra gave Willow three books which she said would give her a good grounding in the fundamentals of herbalism. I think they would need to be very good books indeed to make up for all the trouble we went to to rescue Elvyra. And she gave Willow a pestle and mortar which Willow said she had always wanted. (I have always wanted my own pestle and mortar – Willow). But to be honest, Elvyra didn’t seem that grateful to us, especially for all the effort we went to, and all the danger we put ourselves in.

And so, mum, that was the story of our thankless day, and is hopefully the end of our stay in Weissbruck. First thing in the morning we are going to go to the canal and report the old crew’s death to the river wardens and claim our right of salvage, and then, if we still have a boat, we will continue to Altdorf, to see what sort of price we can get for all this wool. I will write again if anything interesting happens on the way.