22: South

Hi mum, how are you and all the girls? I’m fine now, but I’m sorry to say that I woke up the next day in a terrible mood. I don’t know what it was exactly, but I think Altdorf itself was making me sick. I’m sure you don’t know, mum, what it’s like to live without any sight of a hill or a tree or a flower, or anything like that, but it is pretty bad, and I think after more than a day in Altdorf it must have been getting me really down.

So, I couldn’t wait to leave town, but I had to make breakfasts, and wait for Guido to do his whatevers on the deck, that he does every morning, and Dreamy to count his arrows again (how long does it take to count to twelve), and Willow messing around with her mop (I was cleaning the bilge – Willow), and Blume to do anything at all, before we could even think about getting the boat moving. And Matthias the wood merchant wanted us at his dock first thing, and only Renate was any use at all on board.

So when Willow came down to ask me when breakfast would be ready, I got mad and threw the whole cauldron of scramborridge over the floor of the galley. Then she said that she would make breakfast and I got mad that she was trying to be the ship’s cook, when I was the ship’s cook, and she said she wasn’t the ship’s cook so I got made she was trying to be the ship’s captain. Looking back, I don’t think I was making much sense, mum (No you weren’t – Willow. Hello, again, Mrs. Chard).

On reflection it wasn’t the best thing to do and I am sorry about it now I am far away from Altdorf, but at the time it seemed like the only way to get anything done (Anyway, I cleaned it all up – Willow).

While I was having my breakfast episode, Blume was up on deck watching Guido a little too closely, and she noticed two men on the side of the dock watching Das Moot a little too closely. And one of them had a purple hat and the other a purple shirt. I think she is a bit sick of meeting purple people by now, so she took off her glove and waved sarcastically at them. I’m not sure how you can wave sarcastically, but I think Blume can do almost anything sarcastically. Even though the purple ink on her palm is wearing off it still shows a little bit.

Then she tried doing the ear-finger signal, but they didn’t respond. And then she shouted at them, but they didn’t respond to that, but she shouted loud enough for some random boatman to answer her. So Guido wanted to know what all the fuss was about. And then Willow had to apologise to the boatman because Blume told him to fuck off for responding to her shout, and it all got a bit heated. I think Blume is the only person in Altdorf who can start a huge dockside argument between strangers on different boats for no reason. But start the day as you mean to go on, I guess.

So when I got up on deck we weren’t ready to cast off, and Blume had idly put one of the ropes on the wrong side of the boom, and Renate had to put it back again, but Blume insisted she had put it in the right place, even though she doesn’t know anything about sailing and hasn’t even tried to learn. And so Blume and Renate had a big fight over where the rope was supposed to go, and in all the fuss, I forgot as well, and ordered the rope to be put in the wrong place, and it all got very confusing. I think it is Altdorf itself making everything so difficult. Altdorf itself, but mostly Blume.

And then Guido had a word with me about delegation, again, and told me I should step up and I think he wants me to be more of a leader, but he keeps telling me what to do, so I’m not sure how that is supposed to work. In any case, I told him to go down and clean up the scramborridge in the galley, but Willow had already done it.

I think Willow asked Dreamy to have a word with me about the galley incident and I tried to explain it to him, but I couldn’t really. And in any case, being in Altdorf was far worse for him, because not only could he not see any of the countryside, but he had to hide in the boat the whole time, so really, he had it far worse than me.

We eventually cast off, Renate did most of the work, and we sailed the short distance to the wood merchant. And they were very efficient at loading all the wood abroad. Willow was keeping an eye on them for health and safety reasons, but they seemed to know what they were doing, anyway. And they stacked it very neatly and didn’t even stop for tea. I was surprised at how much wood we got for sixty crowns, and the hold was very nearly full (That was thanks to my great bargaining – Willow).

I think Blume had been watching all the stevedores loading the wood, but then she noticed that the two purple people had followed Das Moot along the bank and were now keeping an  eye on us from across the quay. Guido asked Blume who they were, and she explained all about the purple hand and the purple people who had been following her. Guido said they hadn’t really done anything threatening and that she should just ignore them, but Blume insisted they were nefarious. So Guido asked her if she wanted him to deal with it, and she agreed. I think she likes it when men try to act tough on her behalf, especially Guido, so it makes you wonder why she’s hanging out with halflings.

As Guido walked towards them, they turned and walked away, however, into a narrow alleyway. Undeterred, Guido followed them and they stopped about halfway along it. Guido demanded to know their business and they said they just liked to look at ships. Then they had a bit of a battle of wills. Guido managed to get that they were a clerk and a leather worker, not that that was much help, but everything else they said seemed to be evasive or untrue. In the end he told them not to hang out around Das Moot again, or they would be sorry, and went back to the dock. But they did shout some insults about Blume after him, which was a bit rude of them.

Blume joined Guido on the dock and Guido told her that they denied everything, but he knew that they were lying, and he thought they were a bit of a strange pair. And after a while they saw the two men looking at them from around the corner. Blume wondered whether they could be staring at her because she was so pretty, but I think she just said that because she was a bit unnerved by them. Also, she’s not that pretty.

The purple people tried some more of their ear-finger secret signalling, but then gave up and did a double middle finger signal which I don’t think was meant to be secret. This angered Blume and she grabbed a broken oar from the dock and went towards them. Guido urged her to restrain herself, but she continued, and they came out of the alleyway to meet her. She demanded to know why they were following her, and they told her she had an ego problem. But just because Blume has an ego problem, doesn’t mean that they weren’t following her. They insisted they were just looking around at the boats, and in the end Blume thrust her purple palm at them and went back to the boat.

Meanwhile, Willow was telling the stevedores all about the legendary halfling docker Steven Door, who was so strong he could carry the whole boat, and who could measure the weight of a cargo with his hands, and that he won all the pig weighing contests. I’m not sure whether this was Willow’s plan but all her talking seemed to make the dockers keep their heads down and work even harder, or risk having to listen to more of Willow’s stories. When the cargo was loaded, Willow shook hands with Matthias the merchant and Dreamy handed over the sixty crowns. And we were ready to leave Altdorf, at last.

But, one last strange thing, perhaps, before we left. As we were pulling away, Willow spotted a familiar figure boarding a coach on the quayside. It was the scholarly chap, who had sat by himself in the Coach and Horses when we first met Blume, and who had joined the Lady Isolde and her maids inside the coach, while we had ridden on top. Willow waved to him, and he seemed to look up for a moment, but then Das Moot sailed pasty another boat, and when she got another glance at the coach, he was gone.

As soon as we got out of the city, and surrounded by the forest and the hills again, I felt much better and we made good going south, up the Reik. Renate spent some of the journey making my captain’s desk a more suitable height for me and mending my captain’s chair that Blume had vandalised. This was to be her last full day aboard, and I think I will miss her when she goes. She is the only one of my crew who can sail properly.

Willow was taking her job of selling our cargo a little bit too seriously and was asking every boat we sailed past whether they wanted to buy some wood. Needless to say, there were no takers. Renate told her about the system of signal towers that were being built, to link Altdorf with more far-flung areas in order to create extremely fast communications network across the Empire and to serve as an early warning of invasions. She said that they might need our wood, though it was likely they had an official procurement system.

The day passed quickly, and we were soon tying up in Fielbach. Willow and Dreamy went off into the woods to forage for herbs, and they found a Heal-all plant, which they call Gesundheit in the Empire, so that was a find.

Guido wanted to have a bit of peace and quiet on his own and so walked into town and Blume went after him nattering about the pistols she wanted to buy. I thought we would celebrate leaving Altdorf and having a full pantry by making a big meal, and made game and leek pie, and, because I’m half Bretonnian, I made some creme brulee without any brulee. It’s hard to brulee on a boat. I think I made it, as well, to apologise for dumping everyone’s scramborridge on the floor.

Guido and Blume found themselves in the Hook and Hatchet inn and Blume decided that after losing her perfume to Philippe she now wanted to become an expert gambler because that could lead to the sort of lifestyle she wanted to become accustomed to. And it wasn’t real work. So she played a game of Red Wench, a local version of Scarlet Empress, with one of the locals for two pence, and winning that, he offered double or quits, and she won that too, so she was happy with her four pence, but she was a long way from the sixteen crowns the pistols would cost.

But Guido was disapproving, as he didn’t see gambling as an honest living, and he told Blume that as she was a trained engineer, she should learn how to make the pistols herself. That was an honest profession that would bring her personal satisfaction and a good living. He said that if she did well she would earn prestige and reputation, but blume said she could get all that from wearing the right clothes.

So at our celebratory dinner Willow said we all had something to celebrate as I had my boat, and Willow had done her first cargo deal, and Guido had had a successful visit to Altdorf, and Dreamy had become an infamous villain on wanted posters (I’m not sure that is something to celebrate after all – Willow), Renate was getting close to home and would be leaving the next day, so that was something for Renate and Blume to celebrate. And Blume proudly handed over the four pence she had won to Dreamy for the party fund. Then Dreamy played Dancing in the Mootlight on his fiddle, and we all sang along.

Before we went to sleep, Dreamy was stalking about on deck, still, I apologised to Willow for pouring the scramborridge over the floor. And I told her it was just being in Altdorf was making me feel bad, but now we were back in the countryside, it all felt better.

In the morning, it was a bright and clear day, and boat life went on as normal, and I think everyone was feeling good about our boat trip. We had got into a routine on our long river journeys, and things were going smoothly again. Dreamy was up and preparing his equipment, and Guido was doing the same. And then they sparred for a bit. Renate was helping around the boat. I’m not sure what Blume was doing.

Wiillow got up early to prep the kitchen to help me with the breakfast, but I saw her in the kitchen and so steered clear of her, wanting to give her the chance to make breakfast, after I told her she wasn’t the real ship’s cook. But she was waiting for me to come down and use the pans she had prepped. So we all got a bit hungry waiting for a breakfast that wasn’t going to happen. In the end she made omelettes and gravy. I’m not sure the cooking went entirely as planned and the gravy got mixed with the omelette, but Willow said she had created gromelette, which turned out to be very nice. So far her cooking accidents have created scramborridge and gromelette. I can’t decide whether she is talented or lucky (I think it is a talent – Willow).

Dreamy and Guido were talking about some of the things that had happened in Boegenhafen. Dreamy told him about the letter from the Black Hills from Etelka Herzen, and that we had decided someone needs to put a stop to her nefarious. And that was why we were travelling south. That seemed to please Guido, as I think he was a bit confused about why he was being guided to help us. But a mission to put a stop to the nefarious made a lot of sense to him, and I think it is the sort of thing he would like to accomplish.

It was only a few hours travel down the river to Prieze where we would drop off Renate. When we set off, Dreamy made a point of shadowing her and learning as much as he could about her role on the ship. But it occurred to me that doing this on the very last day was a bit late, and I wondered about how the sailing would go once she left us.

So we got to Prieze and it was time to drop off Renate. Blume was smirking. Willow and Renate hugged and Willow said she was her best friend and she gave her some fuggleweed to remember her by, and Renate said if we were ever around Gruenburg again we should look her up, and we said we would. Dreamy paid her her wages and Renate watched us cast off again, and everyone helped with the sailing, even Blume, and we pulled away very well indeed. Even though I made a few mistakes, everyone else did it so well that I only scraped along the quay a little bit, and it made me think we would be able to do this, after all.

The rest of the day’s sailing went smoothly enough, and we reached the Angler’s Arms inn on the edge of the Reiker Marshes and decided it would be better to stop there for the night, rather than go into the marshes at dusk.

Willow went into the Angler’s and asked if anyone wanted to buy some wood, but she didn’t get much of a response. And Blume wanted to see whether there was any gambling going on, but there wasn’t. Willow came back and started making fish and spuds with blueberry jus. I was hoping she wasn’t going to mix it all together and invent fispudueberjus, and luckily she didn’t (Although that does sound nice – Willow).

While we were making dinner Dreamy said he was going to the Angler’s for a quiet pint and so Blume went with him. Luckily for Dreamy Blume didn’t have much to say and so they both sat there silently drinking their drinks in the corner until it was time for dinner.

I had the idea that Willow and I would dip our hands into the blueberry jus and get a purple palm and show Blume that we were in the Purple Hand with her. But when we showed her, she didn’t find it funny at all, and we quickly went to wash it off. I don’t think I’ll be making any more jokes like that for Blume.

And we all agreed that the area seemed quiet and safe enough that we didn’t need to post a watch for the night, so we all got a full night’s sleep. So that’s the end of this letter mum. We bought our cargo, and we got to leave Altdorf (thank Esmerelda), and we delivered Renate to where she wanted to go, so that was three good things that happened, and nothing dangerous or nefarious happened at all, so it was a very good couple of days. I will write again soon, whether nothing happens, or something happens.