27: The Dwarf King’s Gift

Hello mum. Hope it’s all going well for you back in the Mootland. It’s me again (and me – Willow). I expect you want to know what happened in the tower once we had got rid of all the zombies. We had been expecting to find six of them, one for each point of the star and each one with a key. But there were only five. We thought that was strange, but to be fair, not as strange as having zombies and ghouls walking around in an ancient tower under a modern dwarf signal tower construction all carrying strangely shaped star keys.

We searched everywhere for a sixth key but couldn’t find it. Willow was paying particular attention to the laboratory (I wanted to pick up some bits to help me be an apothecary – Willow). I think she found some beakers and things, but she didn’t get any herbs or potions, because the place had been abandoned for so long all that sort of stuff had dried up or gone mouldy.

I thought the place looked like it had been abandoned for about a hundred years and having looked at the family of noble portraits in the study their fashions seemed to bear out that sort of timeline.

Willow noticed that someone had made lots of notes in a book that was sat on an ugly gargoyle-like lectern. I’ve no idea what sort of notes they were, though (They were esoteric – Willow). The notes were written in Classical which is an old language that nobody speaks anymore except academics when they want to keep things among themselves (a bit like when we talk in Mootish in front of Bloomer). Willow took the book so she could study it on the Das Moot when she had more time.

Meanwhile, Blume was looking through the library for books on engineering and for the keys. She had the idea that if she tilted a book, it would open a secret door, but after tilting far too many books, she had to admit that it was a bad plan. I told her she reads too many fanciful novels and needs to be grounded in the real world more. But Blume said she didn’t read those novels, but she could remember stories she was told when she was little. We said it was nice that her parents took the time to read to her when she was young, but she said it was only her au pair. And then she looked sad.

Guido was still worried about what sort of place this part of the tower was, and what it was for. So he knelt in front of the star and prayed to Myrmidia for guidance on what to do next. I think he thought we might be in danger of disturbing nefarious entities, but he wasn’t with us in Boegenhafen, and so he doesn’t understand how they need to be dealt with and how good we are at doing it. But anyway, after a nice chat with Myrmy, Guido concluded that if we did find the final key then it would be alright to put them in the star as that would be the way to rid the world of whatever evil was behind it.

Willow found some maps in the study, which she gave to me because they would help with navigating. And she found another strange map which was of most of the Empire, but it had a strange triangle drawn upon it, and one point of the triangle covered the Barren Hills and they had been ringed. The Barren Hills were a range of hills, which were not far to the east of this stretch of the Reik, and as the name suggests, are famous for not being very fertile.

And looking at some of the notes, Willow decided that the triangle was tracking the course of the Morrslieb moon, the one that had smiled at her in Boegenhafen. But however strange Morrslieb is, and they say it is very strange, I don’t think it moves in triangles, but I’m not an expert.

Willow had also found a staff, which looked like it might belong to a wizard, and she was carrying it around a lot. She couldn’t open one of the drawers of the desk, and so she smashed it with the staff until it did open. And when it opened, Willow was sprayed with an acrid black liquid, so whoever owned the desk, clearly wanted to protect whatever was inside. And inside was a notebook with lots of formulae and calculations in it that I didn’t understand (I didn’t really understand them either – Willow). Willow took the notebook to study on the boat but she said it might be something to do with the course of Morrslieb, and so I suggested that Morrslieb might be landing in the Barren Hills.

Even though we couldn’t find the sixth key, five out of six isn’t bad so we decided to put the keys in the keyholes anyway. First of all Dreamy checked how deep the holes were with his bowstring, so we could be sure of getting the keys back once we put them in, in case nothing happened. And I don’t think I’m spoiling the suspense if I reveal, right now, nothing did happen.

Guido put the keys in and insisted we all stand behind him in case something bad happens, and Blume told him that he was always very brave when there were no enemies around, which was a bit unkind. And after nothing happened, Guido rearranged the keys so that a different hole was missing each time, but whatever combination he tried still nothing happened. We decided that we really needed to find the sixth key, except Blume decided she would whittle one out of a chair leg and Guido said she was an idiot.

Willow went to the library to find a book to  help with her studies and found one on anatomy, with lots of pictures. And she decided to keep the staff and all the apothecary equipment. Guido said it wasn’t hers but considering the owner hadn’t bothered with it for a hundred years, I think it was.  And Dreamy rounded up all the keys so he could keep them safe, and suggested we tell the dwarfs that we had accomplished our mission and that they would now be safe. And I think he was probably right, but I’m not completely sure.

Blume grabbed a book about Bretonnia, and Guido didn’t grab anything because he said it wasn’t ours to grab. And in the end Blume gave me her book. She said it was because I was half Bretonnian but I think she might have just been showing off to Guido. And in the end, Guido grabbed a book on plagues and diseases, anyway, which wasn’t his.

So we emerged from the tower and told the dwarfs that they were now safe. I think they could have been a bit more grateful or made more of a fuss of us, but I guess dwarfs aren’t really like that. And they did pay us the bonus they had agreed, so that was good. I think they paid us six shillings each for our work and five crowns bonus because the tower would be finished on time, but I’m not sure because Dreamy always deals with the money. Blume said we could now afford to buy her a pistol to stop her shooting us all in the back. I said I wanted a pistol but she said I already had a boat, and as much as I would like a pistol, I think she has a point.

Dreamy told Aynjulls we’d stay one more day and keep watch just to make sure but he was pretty certain that we had solved their problem and that they’d be completely safe. I was keen to get going as soon as possible. Since we found Das Moot, whenever we dock I find that I just want to get going again. Altdorf was particularly bad, because it was so built up and didn’t have any trees, but even spending all this time by the tower, I couldn’t wait to get going again. It’s like you used to say I had ants in my pants, mum.

So, the next day was very easy, but I still had to make breakfast for the hungry dwarfs. And then with not much else to do I took Das Moot out for a spin to make sure Blume’s repairs were good, and, to be honest, they held together surprisingly well. Blume helped put the finishing touches to the signal tower. Dreamy and Willow went foraging and hunting. I don’t think Dreamy caught much but Willow found an Estalian Blood Oak and said she could make some crimson shade from it, which sounded a bit sinister.

Guido read his book and then returned it to the library. Then he had a chat to Dreamy. He was worried about whether we were the right people to be taking charge of the keys, and whether there were authorities better qualified than us who should be dealing with such things. Dreamy told him that we had dealt with stuff like this in Boegenhafen and the authorities were of no help, in fact they were the source of the problems. He said it was hard to  know who we could trust, but at least we knew we could trust each other (apart from Blume).

That night we had a drink with the dwarfs, and it was all a lot more relaxed and jovial. Blume sipped her drink slowly, this time, and didn’t have to leave early. Dreamy was in a good mood, too. I think he has been a bit on edge ever since all the nefarious started happening, but we have dealt with all that, now, and so he was a lot more at ease. Even Guido had a drink (I didn’t – Willow) but to be fair, for someone who says he doesn’t drink, he certainly seems to put away a lot of ale and wine. I think it might be a Myrmidia thing where you have to leave your mind clear for fighting. I think at the moment Guido does more drinking than fighting, though.

And then Guido started being nice to Blume. Blume said she knew he couldn’t stay mad at her for long and that they should put the past (I think she meant her shooting him in the back) behind them. Guido proposed that he would buy the blunderbuss temporarily, until we got to Nuln or Kemperbad, and then he would give it back to her when we arrived. This seemed like a strange arrangement, but I think he was thinking of the safety of everyone on the boat. In any case, Blume wouldn’t agree to it. I think she thought he might steal it. So then Guido went off to talk to Dreamy and I think they ended up singing Estalian marching songs.

Willow got talking to one of the dwarfs and turned him on to fuggleweed. I think the dwarfs like strong tobaccos and fill their lungs with the stuff but he wasn’t expecting the effects that fuggleweed has. And in the end Willow ended up singing songs with all the dwarfs.

And all in all, we had a pleasant last night with the dwarfs and we were pleased that we could help them and they were pleased with our help.

The next morning I couldn’t wait to continue on to Kemperbad. The dwarfs saw us off and Aynjulls gave Willow a pair of her red trousers which she had been admiring. And in return Willow gave her some fuggleweed.

Kemperbad was about three days away. We decided that we would try to sell our wood there, and then buy some Kemperbad brandy, which is some of the most famous and expensive brandy in the Empire and take that to Nuln where they would probably like something like that. Guido said he thought that would be a good idea and he comes from a family of merchants, so should know what he’s talking about, and it sounded like a sensible plan.

During the journey Guido spoke to Willow about becoming a medic in the cult of Myrmidia (I would like to become a medic – Willow). I was too busy doing all my boating duties to do any fishing, so Willow did the fishing for me. She sat in her coil of rope reading one of the books she had picked up from the library, so she didn’t catch any fish. Some people think fishing is easy and you just have to sit there patiently, but it’s a bit more complex than that.

And nothing much happened all day, which was probably a very good thing after all the stuff that had been happening to us recently. We docked by the Dwarf King’s Gift which looked like a poor and run down inn, but it was surprisingly homely and pleasant inside. There were lots of religious icons on the walls which Guido said meant the landlords were a proper Sigmar-fearing family. But Willow wanted to know why anyone would fear their god, as we didn’t fear Esmerelda, we quite liked her, as she was nice. And Guido tried to explain that it was just an expression, but to be honest, the way the Sigmarites carry on, I’m not sure that it is.

We said the worst thing that Esmerelda ever does is things like make your turnips go soft, so it’s hard to fear a god who does something like that. Guido thought that was funny and laughed, but then we told him off because really having soft turnips was a lot more serious than he thought, and we told him about the great turnip blight in the Mootland when all the turnips went soft, and all the pigs started squealing because they were hungry. But he just kept on laughing, which was a bit mean of him. Guido pretends to understand and respect religion, but I don’t think he understands and respects halfling religion very much.

The Dwarf King’s Gift had lots of herbs growing or hanging from the walls and Willow recognised some Tarrabeth, which makes a good healing and sleeping draught, and the landlords let her have some, which was nice. I think Willow is getting quite a collection of herbs and remedies together as we travel (I think I really am, and now I have beakers to put them in – Willow).

We asked the people in the inn about the Barren Hills because they were sort of close by and we thought they might know something interesting. They said that they weren’t called the Barren Hills until about two-hundred years ago, which was when they started getting barren.

Anyway, we had some stockfish stew and bread which wasn’t great, but I think they did their best, so it would be a bit unkind to criticise them for it. And Dreamy bought us all a beer, and Willow warned him about spending all his own money on us, when he really should be talking money from the joint kitty but I think he was just in a good mood and  happy to be with us and so she should let him spend what he wants (I was just looking after my cousin – Willow).

And then it was off to bed. We invited Blume to sleep with us in the captain’s bed, but she declined. But before she went to bed,  she set up all her possessions on Renate’s bed, for some reason. And so, in the morning, Guido noticed Blume’s blunderbuss on the hammock, and he took it. Who knows what will happen about that, but I suspect she won’t be very happy.

I’m sorry that this letter wasn’t full of fights with ghouls and purple daemons shining with magical lights, mum. I guess you think it’s a bit boring now, after all that excitement, to have a letter where nothing very exciting happens. But that is what life on the Reik is like, now. We never know what is going to happen. Who knows, tomorrow we might be attacked by hordes of horned beast creatures or swamp monsters with green eyes.

Not really, though, I’m just saying that so you will bother to read the next one. I don’t expect anything exciting to happen at all, now things have calmed down a bit and we are just left to sail on the river and trade our cargo. (Except it might get a bit interesting when Blume discovers that Guido has taken her blunderbuss.) But I think this a good thing after all the strange and dangerous stuff that has been happening. I will write again whether something  exciting happens or not.