31: Grissenwald

Hello, mum. Remember we’re still at the Virtuous Halfling talking to Thumm the Ogre. I imagine it can be confusing having a letter stop in the middle of a conversation, but we wanted to catch the post.

Willow was adamant that we shouldn’t ruin her new friend Thumm by getting him involved in a silly revenge attack against the wreckers of the Bloody Betty, and suggested they play cornhole instead (I think Thumm could become a professional cornholer if he practices – Willow).

In the end he said he would ask his captain if he was allowed to play cornhole and we looked round to see a small company of six mercenaries over the other side of the room, who we hadn’t noticed before. The mercenaries weren’t armoured but had loads of baggage with them, so it looked like they were on the march.

Blume thought this was a good chance to get even more people involved in the mission, and so told the captain that Thumm had agreed they would go and sort out the wreckers. The captain made it clear that he was the captain and that sort of commitment wasn’t Thumm’s to make and, in any case, they already had a job lined up down south.

I had the idea that we might be able to earn some money by transporting the mercenaries where they wanted to go and told Blume that if she arranged the deal she could have half the money. I wasn’t sure about doing that sort of deal, but Willow and Dreamy were doing deals so it seemed like the sort of thing a captain might do as well. And Blume needed the money.

After some negotiation, Blume arranged to transport all seven of them for three and a half shillings each, and I could see the captain was a bit confused by how little Blume was charging. To be fair to her, I didn’t have much of an idea what to charge them either, and it seemed to be free money, as we were going that way anyway.

In the end we agreed that they would pay five shillings per person per day, which seemed like a lot of money to me, provided we feed Thumm. We guessed that the ogre would eat about ten times what a normal person would eat, so that would eat into our profits, but it still sounded like a good deal.

They said they would turn up first thing in the morning, so I went back to Das Moot early and took all the casks of brandy out of the hold and put them in the captain’s cabin. I’ve heard about mercenaries, and I’ve heard about Ogres, and so I didn’t want to risk them drinking all our cargo.

The next day, as arranged, the mercenaries turned up and we showed them to the hold. I have to say I thought they were far more polite and civilised than I expected mercenaries to be. Blume went fishing, again, but only caught a single fish, again, which would barely be enough to feed herself, let alone Thumm.

Willow had a go at fishing but she got distracted by Thumm, and in the end she ended up just painting flowers on his club, like she had for baby Elsa. I got talking to the mercenary captain and he said they were heading to Nuln for a muster but he didn’t know much more than that.

I’d heard that Ogres like eating cows so I told Willow to keep an eye out for cows on our journey, but we didn’t find any, and we didn’t even go past a farm shop. And in the end Thumm ate nearly half the boat’s entire provisions in one sitting.

But the going was good and we reached Grissenwald before nightfall. And as we sailed into town we saw Guido on the docks waiting for us, so that was good. The mercenaries soon left. They said they wanted to stretch their legs for a bit, but they headed straight to the nearest tavern.

And then we had to tell Guido all about what had happened to us, and the incident with Blume, and the thieves, and the wreckers. I won’t recount that all to you now, mum, because you should have read all about it in my previous letter.

Then Guido told us about his journey and how his boat was also waylaid by ruffians and wreckers, but they had managed to see them off. Blume asked if he had found a purse. And then Guido pulled out Blume’s purse and gave it to her.

She hugged him, and was delighted, until she realised there was no money in it. Guido explained that he didn’t know it was hers and that he had donated all the money he had found to an old priest of Shallya he’d bumped into. Blume asked him how he didn’t know it was hers when it was clearly marked BH. But I suppose there must be more than one BH in the Reikland.

Blume got a bit angry about it, as the purse was a fifth birthday present from her father, but Willow pointed out that she was prepared to let Thumm have all the money if he sorted out the wreckers, and Guido had sorted out the wreckers and got all the money, so things worked out exactly how she wanted. And Guido said she could easily get her money back if she asked the priest to get it from his orphans.

Then we went to the Horned Helm dockside inn. After a few drinks Blume’s story about the Bloody Betty got increasingly exaggerated, and by the end she was single-handedly fighting a hundred men. Blume told Guido that had he let her have her blunderbuss she would have been fine, but Guido said that would have just got her hanged for murder and the entire incident just proved that gambling was bad for you, but I’m not sure of his reasoning.

Then he lectured her a bit, like he does, and told her that she needed to follow Myrmidia and he gave her one of his religious books to borrow. Then, as if in response to Blume’s detailed and exaggerated story of her encounter with the wreckers, Guido went on to tell his. I think his was just as exaggerated, and judging by the fights I have seen him in, through a series of unfortunate events, he probably arrived on the scene just as the fight was ending (I think they were both as bad as each other with their tall stories – Willow).

I had a chat with Dreamy and we decided that we would ask about the Black Peaks rather than talking about Etelka Herzen, because we didn’t want people to think we were friends of hers. The landlord told us there was no such inn as the Black Peaks, but he knew of a mine several miles out of town that had that name.

He said it was a coal mine that used to be run by dwarfs, but the dwarfs sold up, and now it was disused. He obviously didn’t like the dwarfs and said they just hung out in a shanty town just outside the walls, and caused trouble. He said they had also raided some villages recently and that they needed to be dealt with. I think he wanted to string them up by their beards. We were interested in this, as well, because we knew Guido had been asked by the cult of Shallya in Kemperbad to look into the trouble with the dwarfs of Grissenwald.

And then the door of the inn opened and in walked two drunk dwarfs. They immediately noticed us and asked us if we were on a school trip. Willow replied, but they made fun of her and so she ran behind Dreamy. I know he would rather not make a scene, but I could see that he was expecting a fight.

Guido told them that we didn’t want any trouble, and they said that he was a typical manling, and had no stomach for a fight. Then they saw Blume and made fun of her bruised face. She said she was going to leave, but Guido told her to sit down and that there was no need for her to go anywhere. Then they picked on Dreamy and, because of his bow, said he was a shrunken elf, and Blume laughed rather loudly at this, which wasn’t very loyal of her, and I could see Dreamy fingering his dagger under the table.

The landlord came over and offered the dwarfs a free drink to try to placate them but it didn’t do any good. Then when Blume told them to leave us along they pushed her, and told her they do whatever they liked, round here. And then Blume broke down again. She shouted that she was sick and tired of being pushed around all the time, and so they pushed her again, and Guido stepped in to try to stop them and a brawl began.

Dreamy, knowing better than to bring a knife to a fist fight, sheathed his dagger and threw a tankard at the pair, showering them in ale. Guido dodged one of the dwarfs’ punches and slammed his head into the table. Blume began to load her pistol, while I dived across the table and tackled Guido’s dwarf, trying to drag him to the floor.

Seeing Blume loading her gun the second dwarf tried to punch her, but in his drunken state he misjudged his attack and fell to the ground. Then Willow found herself on the floor near the collapsed dwarf and decided to pull his trousers down. Then she made fun of his little dwarf, which was a bit cruel (I was only joking, he had a perfectly adequate specimen – Willow) and made the dwarf very mad while Blume tried pistol whipping him, and Dreamy stood on him.

Guido pushed the other dwarf away and had time to lecture him. He said that he had just spilled all that good ale and his friend was lying on the floor with his pants round his ankles, and that they should try to regain a bit of dignity. The dwarf shouted something back in Khazalid but it was pretty plain Guido’s words hit home, and he hung his head in shame.

Then Guido, being conciliatory, said that we were in need of a guide to take us to Black Peaks and we would pay in Kemperbad brandy. This was a bit worrying because we only had a limited supply of very expensive brandy and we didn’t want to give it away to a load of drunk dwarfs. But it did pique their interest.

They asked what business we had at Black Peaks, and Guido told them we were after Etelka Herzen. They told him that she was an evil wizard who had tricked them out of their mine and they would be happy to help us if we were her enemy. So Guido told them to pull their trousers up and Willow apologised to the dwarf for pulling them down and making fun of him.

And so we talked with Brok and Sveggir about Black Peaks and they said about three years ago Herzen, the evil witch, had cast a spell on their mine. I think they believed that there was gold in the mine as well as coal, but her spell had made things go bad and they were forced to sell it to her. They said we should come to Khazad Slumbol, the dwarf shanty town just outside the city walls, and their chieftain could arrange a guide for us.

Then when they had gone the landlord brought over some free drinks as he was pleased we had managed to deal with the situation without it getting out of hand. He also wasn’t very complimentary about the dwarfs, which you couldn’t blame him for if they kept behaving like that in his inn, but he said they should all be rounded up and hanged, which seemed a bit harsh.

I was a bit worried about the dwarfs being paid in our expensive brandy so I bought a cask of very average brandy from the landlord for a crown and Willow wrote ‘Brandy’s Brandy, Kemperbad’ and painted a picture of Brandy on it, just in case. She also finished her smoke and filled her pipe with Crimson Shade, just in case. But I’m not sure what it was just in case of. As I understand it, Crimson Shade is nasty stuff (It makes you fast and strong, but it’s very addictive – Willow).

We had a chat in the Horned Helmet all about what might be happening at Black Peaks and what the truth of the Dwarfs’ story was but we couldn’t come to a conclusion, although we agreed that the dwarfs were probably trustworthy and Herzen was definitely nefarious.

Then the watch came in and asked us about the disturbance, but we said it was nothing really, and we wouldn’t be pressing charges. They did tell us, though, that the dwarfs had recently burnt down three nearby villages. We asked why they hadn’t done anything about it, but they said they didn’t have any proof, but the dwarfs had been hanging out and spending lots of money so they must be guilty. And they warned us to stay away from Slumbol because it was dangerous. They seemed just as loathing of the dwarfs as the landlord.

We went to tell the captain and his mercenaries that we had been distracted by our business in Grissenwald and wouldn’t be able to take them all the way to Nuln. They took it well enough, though, as there was plenty of river traffic and they would easily be able to get passage on another boat. And we got paid so Blume took the cut I promised her. She wanted a cut of the whole fare but we only gave her a cut of the fare she had negotiated, which seemed fair to me.

To be honest, though, I had been considering getting more involved in the business side of running a boat and negotiating passage and contracts and things like that, but I find all the money stuff a bit difficult and negotiating is stressful, so I think I will leave all that sort of thing to Willow (It’s just chatting and stuff – Willow).

Then we headed to Slumbol. Guido was leading the way and I think he was quite pleased to be on a mission against the nefarious. As he led us, he flapped his cloak about him dramatically and said, ‘Evil doesn’t wait for anyone. And neither does Myrmidia!’ I think he was getting a bit carried away and I hoped, if we did have a big fight, he wouldn’t turn up late again.

The shanty town wasn’t as scary or as slummy as I thought it would be. And the buildings looked quite well built, like dwarf buildings are, even if they had fallen into a bit of disrepair. We got a few dirty looks but we name dropped Brok and Sveggir and got directed to the chieftain’s hall which was of course the biggest dwelling in the place.

I would like to tell you what it was like inside a dwarf chieftain’s hall, mum, but I’m afraid it was so smoky in there I could barely see anything and it was all I could do to stop myself from coughing all the time (It didn’t affect me, for some reason – Willow).

The dwarf chieftain was called Gorim Greathammer (I gave him some fuggleweed – Willow). He was flanked by eight tough-looking guards. Guido clearly knew how to act in such company, and he bowed low and addressed him properly and told him about our plans to bring Etelka Herzen to justice. And humbly requested a guide for our journey. The Chieftain was good enough to supply us with four of his retinue to act as guides and guards.

The chieftain described Herzen as blond-haired and blue-eyed and said that she wore lots of perfume. He said that if we could somehow get rid of her then they could get the mine up and running again and fulfil their obligation to supply Grissenwald with coal.

Gorim also told us not to trust the people of Grissenwald. He said the rumours they had spread about the dwarfs razing the villages were nonsense, and said that if we could find some evidence of this then he would be very grateful.

We decided to check out the villages that evening and went to get some equipment from the boat. Blume brought five blankets with her. We thanked her for her thoughtfulness, but I think she had intended to keep all the blankets for herself.

Willow went to the tavern to say goodbye to Thumm and he reached into his sack and pulled out what looked like a squashed helmet and gave it to her. In fact it was some sort of makeshift gut plate that Willow could wear to protect herself (I thought it was a dinner plate – Willow). And in return Willow got out her rosemary, sage, and thyme and gave them to the ogre, and he ate them.

So we headed out of Grissenwald accompanied by the four heavily armed dwarf guards, Grandug, Baragaz, Thorgran, and Halgrak. Dreamy strung his bow so Blume and I decided that we had better load our pistols. Grandug explained that there were about fourteen small farmsteads around Black Peaks and the ones that had been attacked were the closest to the mines.

We decided not to visit the other farms as the dwarfs reckoned they would just shoot at us, so we went to the closest destroyed one. It was about two hours trek from the town and we got there around nightfall. Guido spent the journey talking to Grandug about dwarf issues. I think he was interested in their martial outlook.

The village had been almost entirely destroyed and there was little more than burned ruins left. It looked like this had happened only about a week ago. Dreamy had a scout round and found various footprints belonging to what might be small humanoids (not halflings or dwarfs) and large dogs, perhaps.

Looking through the wreckage we found a rusty sword that looked like it might well belong to a goblin. And then we found the body of a goblin. This was clear proof that the raid had been carried out by goblins and not dwarfs. We wanted to continue to Black Peaks though, so after a bit of discussion, we decided to bury the goblin and the sword to keep them safe (I didn’t want to chop his head off – Willow), and come back to them later. Then we moved away from the village and found a good location to camp for the night.

So, there you go, mum. We’re in the wilderness at night on the trail of an evil wizard surrounded by goblins and wolves, and allied with desperate dwarf guards. You really couldn’t make this sort of stuff up. It’s hard to imagine what chain of events have led us here, but you don’t need to imagine because you can go back and read my old letters. Anyway, I’ll write and tell you what happens if we manage to get to Black Peaks and confront all the nefarious and things. Harry.