34: Kemperbad Again

Hi mum, as you know we spent the night moored by the Poisoned Feast. It makes me wonder how they manage to run a profitable business there. It’s not a very nice building, and the ale isn’t very good, and the food is awful. If you’re river traffic you don’t have too much choice where to stop the night, unless you want to leave yourself exposed to bandits and things, but all the same, there can’t be many people who enjoy staying in that place. As an experienced river warden, I suspect that there is something else going on there, like smuggling or something like that. But anyway, I should not be investigating things like that at the moment as we have other fish to fry, but not that ugly looking fish that Blume caught yesterday. We didn’t fry that (it was worse than mud trout – Willow).

Blume stayed on watch all night again, so she could sleep during the day. This didn’t turn out to be a good plan, as we reached Kemperbad at about noon the next day, which meant she only got a little bit of sleep, especially as Guido woke her up for a meeting. Anyway it was a quiet and uneventful night until Guido woke us all up by banging the baking tray, again. He told Blume to read some more of the Myrmidian holy book before she went to sleep, and Blume said she would, as she needed something to send her to sleep, but I doubt she even bothered.

I felt Dreamy start and grab his dagger, when he heard Guido’s alarm, which was a bit worrying as I don’t want to be stabbed in my sleep, even by accident. And I think, now we have met goblins and are on the trail of a nefarious wizard, it feels like he is a bit on edge, again.

Because I had made a lot of pasties the night before, we were able to set off immediately and have food on the go. That’s not a very halfling way of doing things, but needs must, and I think Guido was impressed by my dedication. I don’t recommend it though, mum. Breakfast just isn’t the same when you’re standing up. Blume complained, of course, that the food was cold, but at least that made a change from her complaining it was too hot.

We had a bracing tail wind all the way to Kemperbad, which meant we made good time, and got there even sooner than we thought we would. Guido said that the wind meant that Myrmidia must be with us, but I think, sometimes it’s just windy no matter what god you worship. Willow was supposed to be on lookout but she kept wandering off to ask Dreamy about all his war wounds (I needed to find out what sort of ouches I will have to deal with when I become a physician – Willow). Then she got told off by Guido for not using all the correct terminology.

Before we got to Kemperbad, Guido called a meeting on the deck, which was a bit awkward because I had to stay on the wheel and Willow had to stay at lookout, so we had to shout a bit. And Guido woke Blume up, which was a bit rude because she had been on watch all night. But anyway, she kept us waiting for twenty minutes while she made herself up in what she called the Kemperbad style, but I’ve never seen anyone in Kemperbad looking like that.

Guido got us all to plan what we were going to do in Kemperbad so we could do it quickly and efficiently. Then he wrote it all down in a book so there would be an official record of the meeting. I’m not going to tell you what we all said, mum, because we all did it, anyway, when we got to Kemperbad, so you will hear what we actually did, which is much more interesting than hearing about what we say we are going to do, even if they are the same thing.

In the meeting, I did mention Mr. Tzeentch (remember him, mum?), and asked whether Willow should be researching him, and Guido told me off again for saying his name, but said Willow could research him as long as she didn’t say his name, which sounds a bit silly, to me. And when Guido told us he’d be going to see the sister superior at the temple of Shallya, Blume got a bit mad, for some reason.

So, when we finally got to Kemperbad we all had a clear plan and we sprang into action like a well oiled machine (that’s a joke, mum). Dreamy went up to the southern gate, crossing the rope bridge to the other side of the cliff and asked the guards if they remembered anyone like Herzen. One guard said he did, and proved it by mentioning that she was covered in perfume. Apparently they came in five days ago and left with a band of ruffians only three days ago. And instead of heading down the Nuln road they turned off towards the east, which is the direction of Unterbaum.

We were a bit disappointed that we couldn’t sell our brandy here, as we’d bought it in Kemperbad about a week ago, so we would be bound to lose money. But before she went up to do her research Willow changed all the labels on our very expensive brandy, and made them say ‘Je Suis Brandy’ which means it’s now Bretonnian brandy which is even more expensive than Kemperbad brandy, and this was her plan to make lots of money.

Then she went to talk to the harbourmaster who was still wearing the hat she had knitted him last time we were here, and he was pleased to see her, but he told her not to even try selling the ‘Bretonnian’ brandy as it would be difficult to fool the local brandy experts, and we might get in a lot of trouble, so it turned out to not be a very good plan after all (it might have worked – Willow).

Then Willow went up to temple of Verena because she had a lot of research to do and a lot of things to find out. She had to look up things about the Barren Hills, and Morrslieb, and learn things about medicine to help her become a physician, and she had to find out about the one who I’m not allowed to name. But Guido said it was alright if you were reading or writing it, so I can get Willow to write it here, if I don’t say it (it’s Mr. Tzeentch – Willow). The librarian told her that they had a private library for things like that but she would have to get an endorsement from one of the official cults to be allowed access to it.

Willow did do a lot of research, and she did find some stuff out, but I think she got distracted by ‘Scary Morrslieb Stories for Sleepy Kids,’ because when she got back she told us all about how if you didn’t wash behind your ears then Morrslieb would get you, or if you ate from the mixing bowl before dinner then Morrslieb would get you, of if you ate the cured fish before the cooked fish Morrslieb would get you, none of which was really relevant to our mission.

And she asked about cures for all the sorts of things that have befallen Dreamy in his life, and the rest of us since we had been travelling together, so that she would know how to deal with them. I think she was trying to do too much for one day’s research, especially as she spent most of her time reading fairy tales about Morrslieb (but they were good fairy tales – Willow).

Then she told the librarian that she wanted to assist in a surgery and so she sent her down the street to visit a barber surgeon. But, she ended up just watching a haircut (I think there was a bit of a misunderstanding – Willow). And then she watched as the barber surgeon leeched a customer’s boil (that one did make me feel a bit sick – Willow).

I had a word with Blume about putting our money together and buying another pistol, but I’d forgotten that she had had all her money stolen, so she got mad at me about that. Then she went off to buy a scarf. I thought it was just another of her fashion whims, but it turns out she had a proper plan. She bought a purple scarf so she could attract the attention of the purple gang that she kept bumping into, and find out more about them. I think it might be a bit risky, and she is brave for doing it. Or she just fancied a new scarf.

She ended up paying nine shillings for a bright purple scarf that was supposedly in (or perhaps just out of) fashion. Then she decided she needed to go to a bathhouse to get everything washed so she could look decent with her expensive scarf.

On her way there she was approached by a shifty looking man wearing a purple waistcoat. He called her Kastelle, and Blume didn’t correct him and agreed to talk to him. He told her that he wasn’t looking for trouble but just wanted a quiet word in her ear. He asked her what her game was and why she hadn’t got in touch and whether she had forgotten she had to deliver a little windfall. He told her she couldn’t leave them because once a member always a member. And she couldn’t fool them. And then he left.

I don’t know what any of that means, and I don’t think Blume did, either (nor do I – Willow). Anyway, Blume did manage to get herself and her dress cleaned at a washhouse, so that was something.

Guido told me to come with him because he had a secret mission for us. I don’t think it was a secret mission at all, he just couldn’t think of anything for me to do. It turns out our secret mission was going to the temple of Shallya and talking to sister superior Dammerung. He told me he needed a lieutenant, and when I said I was a captain, he said that it was only on the boat, and when we weren’t on the boat I was a lieutenant. But I’m still a captain, really, mum.

Guido and I got to see Sister-Superior Dammerung and he asked her if she had managed to get any information about the letters he had sent her. Dammerung didn’t have much to say about the Barren Hills except they went barren about two hundred years ago, which we already knew. She didn’t have much to say about some of the more nefarious elements mentioned in the letters, and Guido had to tell her he thought there were cultists working in her city. But she did tell us that Herzen and her companion (now I’m thinking that he might be the mysterious Mr. Tzeentch) hired five heavies from the slums and bought them all horses, before leaving town three days ago. So that was some useful information. And hopefully Guido remembered to get all those letters back, too.

I’ve heard that priests of Shallya grow horns out of the top of their head, so I was intrigued to meet the sister superior. But, unfortunately, she was wearing a wimple. So while she was talking to Guido I was trying my best to get a look under the wimple to see if I could get a glimpse of horn, but no luck.

After leaving the temple of Shallya we went looking for stables, and I found a stable boy who remembered Herzen. I had to pretend that Herzen was my mum to get him to tell me anything, but he said that she had bought seven riding horses four days ago, so it made us think that she would be travelling with the five ruffians up into the Barren Hills, all on fresh horses. Meanwhile, Guido was asking about hiring a carriage to get us there, but he was told that the trail was too rough for a carriage so it would be horses or walking.

Towards the end of the day we all ended up back on Das Moot, except Willow who was still researching, or watching haircuts, and Blume called a meeting in retaliation for the one Guido called earlier. She told us about the purple man, and what he had said to her, and we agreed he was probably talking about the inheritance we had followed up in Boegenhafen, and that was probably not a real one, anyway. I think we all agreed that the whole thing was a ruse, for some reason or other. But that wouldn’t help Blume pay off the purple people. I think if they were waiting for twenty thousand crowns from Blume they would be waiting a long time.

Anyway, Blume told us that if we saw anyone wearing purple we should shoot them, and I think I noticed Dreamy fingering his bow as he looked at Blume’s new scarf.

We decided we needed to leave Kemperbad as soon as possible and head up the river Stir. I think Guido was worried we would lose time because they were going by horse. And I knew that sailing up this stretch of the stir was difficult as it was narrow and sheltered and quite fast-moving.

Also there was the matter of the rapids beneath Kemperbad. I had heard a bit about these and knew they couldn’t be navigated going upriver. I had heard people say they can be sailed downriver when the water is high, but even that is dangerous and risks the boat getting holed.

I had heard that there were lots of small locks going up the river, but also that there was just one big lock, but it turns out, much to my surprise, that boats got from the Reik to the Stir by the use of a huge screw-like device that managed to move lots of water up the slope even though it looked like it was just going round and round for no reason.

I was a bit worried about sailing Das Moot into such a contraption, but lots of other boats were doing it, so I supposed it was fine. And it cost two whole crowns to use, which is more expensive that any lock I’ve ever been through. But Dreamy pad and I told everyone to meet me on the upriver section before nightfall so we could set off again first thing in the morning.

I think Guido had a talk with the others about stealing horses and ponies, once we got to Unterbaum, so we could make good time through the hills. That didn’t sound like him. Willow agreed that it would be nice to borrow some horses and take them for a nice trip through the hills, and that they would probably like it better than staying at home (I had a horse in the Moot and it wandered off, but it came back a year later. And it was a different colour – Willow).

But Blume said she thought Guido was going off the rails. She also said he was more edgy and dangerous, and she liked that about him as it was making her feel naughty, but I’m not really sure what she meant. She said that they used to do something like that at uni, where they’d break into someone’s room and take all their stuff and throw it in the street. Guido was a bit confused about that but Blume said it was funny. So Guido told her off, and said he wasn’t some foolish schoolboy but a priest on a mission from his god.

So, that’s another letter mum. I think all this writing is making Willow’s wrist ache. In the next letter I’ll hopefully be able to tell you what the journey was like after we leave Kemperbad and travel up to Unterbaum, and then we’ll see whether we can get up the River Narn into the Barren Hills.