48: The Party

Hello mum. Well, we got invited to an unexpected party. It wasn’t like a good old Mootland knees-up, unfortunately. I don’t think bigs have fun in the same way we do. But I’ll tell you about it in this letter. At the start of the letter we don’t even know we’re going to a party, so I shouldn’t really have mentioned it yet. So pretend I didn’t and then you and the girls can be surprised when I reveal it later.

If you remember, it was the evening in Altdorf, the night before our cathayan porcelain was due to be loaded onto Das Moot. Blume and I stayed on the boat to look after it, even though it was probably safe enough here in the middle of Altdorf. I would still rather sleep aboard than bother to pay for one of the inns. Willow and Dreamy went up to Haffenstadt to visit Aunt Amanita for the night. Even though she lives in Altdorf Aunt Amanita always seems to be able to keep abreast of the local news from the Mootland, so it was good to hear that Maple Stirrup is doing well.

I think Dreamy asked Willow to play down how much danger we had been in but Willow could not resist telling her about how she was locked in a box in the collapsing castle and had to fly to safety (it was a fun story – Willow), so that got Dreamy a clip round the ear for not looking after her properly. Willow also told Amanita that she would be joining the Myrmidians to learn proper healing, but Amanita told her not to bother as bigs religion was strange.

She also told Dreamy that she had dealt with the wanted posters of Brandy and Dreamy. She had got all the young halflings to look for them and draw moustaches on them, or tear them down, so that made Dreamy feel better about walking around Altdorf. And, of course, Amanita had loads of fuggleweed growing around her house and she said Willow could help herself to that (it was very generous of her – Willow).

And she gave us some lemon biscuits, some muffins, some pasties, and a hamper of other food to take to Marienburg with us and warned us against the seagulls. And she told them everything she had heard about the emperor and stuff like that. She said that he had been seen in public at an investiture of the Reiksguard Knights, so the rumours about him being ill were scotched, except some people said that it wasn’t the real emperor and it had been a body double. To be honest, mum, if I were the emperor, I think I’d get a body double to do the boring stuff for me, too. Imagine having someone to turn up to Polly Nettle’s tea parties instead of you, mum.

She also said there was fighting between Ostland and Talabecland, so that’s not good news. And also that there was a lot of anti-Sigmarite activity in Middenland and a band of Sigmarite witch hunters on their way to Middenheim had been strung up. Hopefully it is a lot safer than that back in the Mootland, mum. And she said something about the emperor calling all the elector counts to a meeting to sort things out, but they had not responded very quickly, which may have undermined him, or something. I know when you call Big Jim and he doesn’t come straight away it can leave you feeling a bit foolish, but there’s not much you can do about it.

Blume and I had a quiet night, except, at the crack of dawn, we were woken up by a gang of stevedores banging on the hull demanding to come aboard, and the leader of the gang was particularly rude. I know you don’t expect the best of manners from a bunch of dockers, but I think he could have been a bit more polite, especially as it was first thing in the morning and I’m a captain.

First of all they unloaded all the brandy, and I was so tired I forgot to ask for payment for it. Then they carried the crates of cathay aboard and nailed them shut on the boat, which was very loud. And when I asked to look in the crates to make sure all the cathay was intact (and I was curious about how much pottery was in each crate) he wouldn’t even let me peak and said it wasn’t in the contract. And then Blume suggested we look in the crates after they had gone and he said that would be breaking the rules of the contract about tampering so we couldn’t do that, either.

So I told him that he would have to deal with Das Moot’s boatswain who was in charge of arranging all the cargo, and when he said he would be happy to, I was put in a difficult position, because as you know, mum, I am also the boatswain. So I had to go into my office and come out again as the boatswain, but I think he recognised me.

Then he said that they would be loading the cargo all day so we may as well leave the boat, and he handed over a posh-looking letter to Blume and said it was from Matthias Blucher. Blume read it and said that she had been invited to a party at the Bluchers’ to celebrate their first wedding anniversary, so that was nice for her. And she started fussing about having to get new clothes and shoes.

Then Willow and Dreamy got back with their muffins. They were lemon and courgette. I don’t really like lemon and courgette muffins, mum, as you know, but Willow warned me not to let that get back to Aunt Amanita. And you know how she still gets all the gossip from the Mootland, and so, mum, if you could make sure that you mention how much I enjoyed the lemon and courgette muffins to a few people, then I would appreciate that, because I don’t really want to get on the wrong side of Aunt Amanita (and it was nice of her to give us the food, anyway – Willow).

Luckily, Dreamy realised we hadn’t been paid for the brandy, so he had a word with the stevedore whose name was Klaus, and got the money. But I think Dreamy has always had a better head for figures than me. He also got the advance on the cathay, so we had lots of money and Dreamy let us have twelve crowns each spending money. Twelve crowns, mind. Klaus also complained that I was a bit difficult to deal with, but I think he was just being a rude and should pay a ship’s captains a bit more respect than that. And their boatswains.

Then Willow read the invitation and revealed it was addressed to all of us, not only that but specifically to ‘Captain Harry and his crew’, so that meant we were all invited. So Blume was being a bit selfish, there. So, mum, that is the surprise invitation we got that I told you about at the beginning of the letter, so hopefully I didn’t spoil it for you and it was still a nice surprise.

My dear friends,

Since I imagine you will be unoccupied this evening, please join me as my wife Karoline and I celebrate the first anniversary of our wedding. The festivities will begin at seven o’clock, and anyone can direct you to my family’s townhouse.

Many of our friends will be joining the celebration, whose acquaintance may be useful in your future business endeavours.

Dress will be formal.

Warmly Matthias Blucher

Blume told us that it was customary among this sort of people to bring a nice gift to their anniversary parties. She said it had to be not too expensive, but not too cheap, either (I thought we should get them a nice prize pig – Willow).

Then Guido got back from the temple of Shallya and told Willow to come with him to the temple of Myrmidia where she could get enrolled. But it all went a bit wrong, mum. When Guido got there he demanded to see a higher ranking priest, and so a bloke called Priest-Captain Corelli eventually turned up, and Guido told him all about destroying Castle Wittgenstein. But then he complained that Myrmidia hadn’t helped him, and when he needed her most, she had forsaken him.

Corelli calmly asked him to go through what happened, and Guido told him about trying to become an eagle to cow the mutants, and then calling on Myrmidia’s aid to destroy the mutant ogre, but as he did he got more and more upset. And in the end he said that Sigmar had given him a sword and Verena had given him a key, but Myrmidia hadn’t given him anything. And he demanded that Corelli apologise on Myrmidia’s behalf for it. But of course, he wasn’t going to do that, so Guido handed in his fiery sun symbol and stormed out of the temple saying he had left the cult (and that meant I couldn’t be a surgeon – Willow). He actually said some very rude words about Myrmidia, mum, but I won’t put them here because I don’t want the girls to hear them.

Then Guido took Willow to a very Sigmarite tavern called the von Zelt Arms and ordered a load of drinks, and he was soon a bit drunk (I just sipped mine – Willow). Then he started showing off Barrakul to everyone at the tavern. The clientele were quite into it, but Willow didn’t want things to get out of hand and so dropped a moonflower in his beer, and he was soon sound asleep.

While Willow was trying to bribe some of the customers to carry Guido back to Das Moot for some fuggleweed, two Knights of the Blazing Sun turned up and took him back to the temple of Myrmidia.

Back at the temple, while they were waiting for Guido to come round (I only gave him half a flower – Willow) Corelli questioned Willow and she told them everything we had done and also told them that it was true that Myrmidia hadn’t backed Guido up when he needed her most.

So when Guido finally woke up, Corelli had a lot of things to say to him, and he criticised many aspects of our attack on Castle Wittgenstein, telling Guido that he had not utilised the outlaw force properly, and he hadn’t been able to secure the moon rock, so perhaps Myrmidia had good reason to doubt him. He told him his behaviour was not becoming of a follower of the goddess of wisdom and strategy and that if he did want to leave from the cult then Corelli would accept his resignation.

And so Guido resigned formally from the cult of Myrmidia, but he did leave with a bit of dignity, shaking Corelli’s hand and saying may Myrmidia strengthen Corelli’s shield arm and guide his sword arm. And then they left.

They didn’t get back to the boat until it was nearly time for the party. And Willow told Dreamy everything that had happened. And he was concerned for Guido but also disappointed that Willow had drugged him. He explained that sometimes fighting folk like to have a good fight to make them feel better, and she shouldn’t have interfered. So then Willow got upset, and sloped off to sit in her rope. And while all this was going on, the stevedores were still coming in and out of the hold loading up all the cathay.

Blume was being enthusiastic about the party. I think us halflings just like turning up and having fun. But Blume insisted it wasn’t about fun, it was about doing everything correctly and enhancing our standing. And so she was very keen to go shopping for exactly the right clothes, and shoes, and present for the Bluchers. I suggested she should just give them the hand mirror she stole from the Wittgensteins, but I think she just wanted to spend our money. Anyway, my clothes were fine. They were brand new just a few weeks ago, and just because I had crawled through tunnels, swam through underground rivers, and fought rat men in them didn’t mean they weren’t still fine. And then Blume told us all that we had to wash before the party. Good luck with that.

Guido was still in a bad mood and so he confined himself to his quarters to sulk, and then I think Willow decided that she had been wrong to drug him and wrote a letter of apology and put it on his hammock. And then she went to the Swan’s Neck to get an ale and she brought that to Guido, too. And Blume told him to stop moping and said it as no wonder Myrmidia left him if he was behaving like he was.

Blume went to get the hand mirror evaluated and the shopkeeper said it should be worth abut two and a half crowns, and he polished it up for her. I think that was about the right price for a nice gift or a rich person, probably, although the prize pig would have been more fun.

So we all went off to the party but left Guido behind. He was sat in front of his shrine to Myrmidia, but I’m not sure whether he was praying, or just staring at it, or saying goodbye to her. But anyway, Dreamy gave Guido all our money and asked him to look after it, because he was a bit worried about it, with the stevedores going in and out all evening.

We arrived at the party at seven on the dot, but there was no one around, and so Blume made us all hide around the corner for twenty minutes so we could arrive fashionably late. And then the doorman admitted us, but only after we had to hand our swords in. He announced us as Harry Chard and the crew of Das Moot, quite formally, and we entered the party only to discover that it was completely empty. It think we panicked the servants a bit though because they started rushing around getting the food ready for us, and someone went off to fetch the band and they started tuning up.

And then Matthias came down to say hello to us and he was very pleasant and polite but you could tell that Blume was mortified that we had disturbed him as he was still getting ready. And she put the mirror on the gift table, and to be honest, it didn’t look very good there, all on its own.

So, in the end, Blume’s fashionably late was still very unfashionably early. I’m not sure what these bigs are all about. If someone had a party in the Mootland for seven o'clock, we’d all make sure we got there a lot earlier than that so we could get the best food, and get a lot to drink down us so we’d be ready for the party to really start. But anyway, even though we were very early, we got to have first go at all the food the servants were bringing. Some of it was very posh and I think they had froth of crab essence, which was very nice, but not very filling.

While we were gone Guido was thinking about Myrmidia, and he decided that Blume was right about him, and that he should buckle up, and so he put his symbol of Myrmidia back on his shrine, and he said to her that maybe he hadn’t behaved correctly and that if she did have a plan for him she should give him a sign. And then he came up to the party.

He had to hand Barrakul in at the door, and he got a bit upset about that and threatened the doorman if anything should happen to it, and I think he frightened him a bit. But we were all happy to see Guido at the party, if only because it meant that there was another guest there.

But eventually the party started filling up, and all the guests were announced as they entered and most of them sounded very grand or very rich. Matthias introduced us to some people, and they were usually polite, but they seemed a bit disappointed that we only had one boat and that we crewed it ourselves, and then they’d find an excuse to wander off and talk to someone else.

I think we spoke to Jacques and Henri, the Bretonnian paper-merchants, Roberto from Tilea, the renowned traveller, Dirk, a young entrepreneur from Carroburg, and Miguel from Estalia, who was looking for new business prospects, but to be honest, mum, it wasn’t that much fun.

And we sort of ended up just talking among ourselves. We wondered what the deal was. Why did Matthias invite us to such an event where we plainly didn’t belong. Was he just trying to be nice (he seems nice – Willow) or did he have an ulterior motive? We certainly hadn’t met anyone ‘whose acquaintance may be useful in your future business endeavours.’

I think that is what travelling in the empire has done to us, mum. Normally I think we’d just be happy to have a good party, but so much strange stuff has happened to us over the past few months, I don’t think we can help feeling a bit suspicious about people. And Guido said that among traders there is no such thing as just being nice and it’s all about what they can gain, and he should know, I guess. And Dreamy pointed out that while we were all up here at the invitation of Matthias, there was no one on the boat looking after his cargo.

Blume was more interested in the party, though, and went off to get some wine, and ended up talking to a guest called Rudolf Meier. He agreed with Blume that is was hard to fit in with all the toffs at the party, and he was angry because his business had been wiped out by the Bluchers. Apparently Matthias’ wife was an Oldenhaller (I’ve never heard of them) and her cousins had flooded the Nuln market with cheap Bretonnian wine and that had driven him out of business. He was mad that the Bluchers and the Oldenhallers had united in marriage making an even more powerful trading company. (On the other hand, who doesn’t like cheap wine?)

Blume wondered why they had both been invited, but Meier explained that he was from a merchant house so it made sense. Then Blume told him she was from a merchant house too, but then had to explain why she was crewing on a small boat. She said it was about work experience and she had even learned how to sail, but I don’t think Meier was very impressed and he wandered off, too.

So that’s the party, mum. It’s not much fun, mostly because it’s full of rich bigs, and we’re feeling a bit like fish out of water. Hopefully it will get going soon and we can have a sing song or a knees up. I’ll let you know in my next letter if the fun starts.