69: Dieter Schmiedehammer

Hi mum. So my first day at work finally came. I brought Boy Bloomer and Cinnamon the lucky rabbit up to the watch station and reported for duty for the night shift of the sewer jacks.

Luckily Jacko was on duty, too, and he was able to show me round. He said he had never been to the Moot, but he had a broad Mootland accent, so I think he puts it on a bit to show how halflingy he is. But I suppose it’s reasonable with most of the halflings of Middenheim living together in Kleinmoot it makes sense that they have Mootland accents here, too.

Jacko gave me a brief chat about how the sewers worked. I won’t bother you with the details, now, mum, but it was technical things like the sewers flow downhill, and stuff like that. But roughly, we had to go round the sewers and inspect all the grilles and grates that stop people getting into the city through the sewers. That gave me the idea, mum, that if we needed to get in or out and avoid the taxes we could use the sewers. But they are padlocked, so I would need to get a key.

Jacko showed me to a man-hole and then when I was hesitating a bit, to go down, he just pushed me in and I landed in the shit. But I expect that’s just one of those jokey things they do to everyone on their first day, so I didn’t really mind. I won’t bother telling you how smelly and awful it was down there, but to be fair, mum, by the end of the shift I’d got quite used to it.

Jacko followed me down and he brought Bruno, his dog, with him which was a big, mean-looking bulldog. And then he said I had to let Boy go so he could get used to the sewers. I was a bit reluctant because he is very little, but in the end I let him go and he went running off and we found him eating something that looked a bit like spaghetti, but he didn’t find any rats.

So we spent our time going from grille to grille checking they were intact and the padlocks were still there. It was hard to tell how far we went but I think we may have done a complete lap of the city, and inspected all the grilles. I didn’t really know where I was, at all, but I expect as I get to know the route, I will be able to work out where in the city I am.

Afterwards we went to the Regent’s House tavern, upstairs where all the rat catchers go. And they asked me if I had any good stories, and I told them the one where we caught the cheese smugglers, which was probably the only interesting thing I ever did in the river wardens.

But after a couple of beers I realised that I have more interesting stories than that from our time in the Empire, and because they were rat catchers, I told them about how I fought the man-sized rattus hombre guy in the Barren Hills. And I probably exaggerated the tale a bit, but it was mostly true. And I think after I finished telling it all the rat catchers were sort of impressed, and they all seemed to get it, which I wasn’t really expecting.

And then Jacko said that it was a good story but I shouldn’t tell it outside of the sewer jacks, which I don’t intend to do, anyway. And he said that big rats sometimes get into the sewers of Middenheim and they don’t know how they get in, but he thought that they might dig their way in and then collapse the tunnels behind them. And that made sense to me because the rats that we saw at Castle Wittgenstein probably dug their way in, and they certainly collapsed the tunnels behind them.

I didn’t leave the Regent’s until dawn, mum, but when I got back to the Templar’s I didn’t feel like going to bed. I haven’t been sleeping that well, anyway. And I saw Guido just waking up and he asked me how my work went, but I don’t think he was very interested, anyway. And if I had told him anything interesting he would have probably called me stupid again, so it made me think that perhaps I would be better off with my new mates in the sewer jacks instead of hanging out with Guido, especially as Guido has loads of new mates who are all important soldiers. And I felt like I had to get Guido’s permission to do anything, before, but now I can do whatever I like, as long as Jacko says it’s alright.

Anyway, Guido went up to a park to practice his martial stuff before his big fight. He didn’t even go with Dreamy who usually trains with him, which was probably because he was nervous about it.

After his exercises he went up to the temple of Sigmar and noticed that someone had drawn loads of graffiti on the walls, mostly wolves and moons. I think the moons concerned him a bit, because he understood that the wolves were symbols of Ulric, but he didn’t know what the moons meant.

He spoke to a brother at the temple and got a bit upset with him that nobody had got round to cleaning the graffiti up yet. Then the brother told him they had had some bricks through their windows, too, which annoyed Guido even more. But he was told that the High Capitular had got the Grand Theogonist to send up some Knights of the Fiery Heart to defend the temple.

He told the brother that he would be fighting the judical champion and the brother replied that he should choose a blunt weapon as that didn’t hurt so much, which annoyed Guido, but then he corrected himself and said that he was sure that Sigmar would guide him to victory. And then Guido had a bit of an ostentatious prayer session in the temple, where he was asking Sigmar for help, but really he was just showing off to everyone that he had got to the final.

Then Guido asked for an office at the temple for his Order of the Silver Hammer. And they said he could, as enough personnel had moved out recently, so he could have one of the cells. And then he demanded they bring a desk in and some shelves. And when they asked him about the rest of the order he had to admit that they were just a bunch of halflings, which probably didn’t go down too well. Then the brother said he would put some bandages in the office, which annoyed Guido again. I think that brother is probably wasted at the Temple of Sigmar, mum.

Meanwhile Willow and Dreamy had woken up on Blume’s floor. I think they managed to steal the duvet off of Blume’s bed during the night, but it was quite difficult to get a definitive answer to that question.

They bumped into me on their way to breakfast and asked me how it went, but I wasn’t really in the mood to chat about it. I think that they are good halflings, mum, but when you’ve been down the sewers, it might be time to move on from your old friends. So I gave Willow her lucky rabbit back.

Willow took it to the kitchen and asked Tiasmara for some lettuce. And she said that Tiasmara could keep Cinnamon as long as she didn’t cook it. And then she got her to make some scramborridge for the urchins. Then they had a chat about Willow taking her physician exams until the urchins arrived.

After she had fed and paid them, she told the urchins about Gotthard Wallenstein and said that they should try to find him and then follow him around to see where he goes and who he meets. And I think that was a more interesting job that sitting outside the coopers shop all day. And I think Willow promised them that she would knit them some hats and gloves to help keep them warm, as the year turns towards the height of summer.

Then Willow told Dreamy about her radish and they talked about when it would be best to take it, but it’s like we’re all a bit busy at the moment. Then they talked about spiking Dieter’s drink with it to help Guido win the fight, but decided against that too (that might even help Dieter like it helps me – Willow). And then she thought about hypnotising him, but she’s only just started that book.

I went up to Blume’s room and she told me I was only allowed to sleep on the floor, but I decided I didn’t want to go to sleep anyway, and then went for a walk, even though I was really tired.

Willow, Dreamy, and Blume decided to go up to the Altmarkt, where Guido had said that servant had seen a picture of Blume, to see what that might be all about. So they had a look round the square and didn’t find much, and then Dreamy sat down and just watched everyone to see if anything suspicious was happening, and to take stock of the mood on the street while Willow just chatted. He heard the usual stuff we had been hearing about the taxes, and also the idea that Ulric was actually Sigmar’s god and so the Sigmarites were misguided about placing him above Ulric. And he also heard that the Mercers’ Guild were doing a thing on the final day of the carnival where the fountains would spout actual wine.

And Blume found a soapbox and started giving the general public the benefit of her fashion opinions. After a while she noticed that someone across the square was sketching her. So she went over and introduced herself, and saw that the sketch was actually quite good. And the artist offered to sell it to her for five shillings. And after a bit of haggling Blume paid five shillings for it.

The artist, whose name was Wolfgang, told her he wasn’t a starving artist but a clerk, who counted money all day, and only did the sketches as a hobby. He said he might have got Blume before and showed her his sketch book. And she went through it and found a sketch of her arguing with me (it was that time I spent her money on all the Fauschlag models, mum).

And Blume wondered whether he had sketched anyone else interesting, and went through his book but didn’t find anyone she recognised. And she asked him, as he worked for the Mercers’ Guild whether he knew Gotthard Wallenstein, and he said he did. And then she asked him about the Wittgensteins and Castle Wittgenstein, but he didn’t seem to know anything about that.

Then she noticed that his breeches had mulberry coloured stitching, so she started asking him about purple and colours like that but he didn’t seem to know anything about that, either.

When Blume got back to them she showed the sketch to Dreamy and Willow, and I think she was quite proud of it but Dreamy said it had captured her thick neck (I thought it looked lovely – Willow).

Meanwhile Guido was at the temple of Verena. He showed his key off (remember the one, mum, that means that he has to be treated well whenever he’s anywhere Verenan) and they let him go through their library for information on the spice port of Copher. He had a look through and wanted to take some books back to his office at the temple of Sigmar, but they said he couldn’t, but he could come back if he ever needed to look something up.

Then we all met up at the field of martials to watch the big match. We had hot dogs and beer and as Guido was getting ready Willow went over to him to say that she hoped he did well. Then Dreamy went over to say that he had already achieved a lot by getting to the final and that he would rather have Guido by his side in the field than Dieter.

Then Guido took off his hat and put it on Willow’s head (it was a bit big – Willow) and unbuckled Barrakul and walked over to meet Dieter. They clasped arms and wished each other good luck. And Guido assured Dieter that just because they were friends he wouldn’t pull his punches.

Dieter asked him what weapon he would like, and Guido said that back in Estalia they liked to fight mano-a-mano, which meant they just used their fists, and it would be something the crowd hadn’t seen before. But Dieter said that that wasn’t really the done thing for a judicial fight, and he would rather do sword and shield. So Guido had little choice but to agree. Guido’s shield had the Middenheim coat of arms on it, which included a wolf, so I’m not sure he was too pleased about that. It didn’t have any moons on it, though.

So they walked out to the middle of the field and the crowd gave Dieter a big cheer, but they also gave Guido a decent cheer, too. We looked around at the crowd for some familiar faces, and there were a few, but we were hoping to see Wallenstein and Emmanuelle, but couldn’t find either of them.

After saluting each other, the fighters got into it, and Dieter immediately charged Guido. Guido tried to defend with his shield but the blow got through. And he counter attacked using his two weapon technique he had used in the semis but Dieter was too good to fall for it.

Then Dieter attacked again and his blow got through again, pushing Guido back and again Guido failed with his counter. It was looking very one-sided, but then Guido got his defence together and they exchanged blows for a while with none getting through. But then Dieter went for it, getting a huge blow on Guido sending him to the ground and ending the fight.

Dieter quickly went to Guido and pulled him to his feet, slapped him on the back, and congratulated him on his fighting, and the pair of them acknowledged the applause of the crowd, with Guido holding Dieter’s arm up to acknowledge the champion.

Then Willow ran across the field, in front of everyone, wearing Guido’s big hat, and started fussing over him and making sure he wasn’t too badly hurt. That was nice of her but I’m not sure Guido appreciated it too much, and told Willow she wasn’t his mum. And Guido said that Dieter was too skilled a fighter to have seriously hurt him in such a fight, in any case.

So, Dieter went up to the graf to be invested as his judicial champion once more, and he was busy with all the formalities. And then he had to go up to the palace, but he did send a beer over for Guido.

So, that’s that, mum. I think I’m probably glad that Guido didn’t win the fight. He is a bit bossy and tiresome but if he had to go off and be judicial champion for the graf, I’m not sure where that would leave our fight against the nefarious. Although, if he had, maybe I could be in charge. I think I’m probably up to it now I’m a proper sewer jack.

Anyway, mum, I’ll tell you what happens during the rest of the day at the carnival. To be honest, we were so looking forward to Guido’s fight I don’t think any of us have made plans or even know what is coming up for the rest of the day. And that reminds me, I’m really tired because I haven’t been getting much sleep, and I got no sleep at all last night, so I might just go to bed.