74: Janna Eberhauer

Hi mum. We caught up with everyone at the heraldry display and Willow told us that she had been engrossed in the topiary and had talked to some jade wizards, and she said she spoke to a truth sayer from Albion. But I think she decided that using magic and stuff to help your garden was cheating and the wizards wouldn’t be very welcome at the annual Barkshire vegetable growing competition (I like a natural garden, there is perfection in imperfection – Willow).

Guido told us he had been at the library of Verena looking up lots of boring stuff, under the auspices of High Priestess Edel Mueller. A lot of it was things we already knew but he managed to make some of the details a bit clearer.

He said Luigi Pavarotti had arrived two months ago to minister to Baron Stefan and Gotthard Wallenstein had arrived just under a year ago, while Anika-Elise the (Graf’s wife) died five months ago.

He said that since his wife’s death the Graf has sunk into a deep depression and the taxes were introduced just under a month ago, and official records show they were proposed a month before that.

Guido told us that Copher, called the "City of Spice," is one of the four great cities of Araby. While in the distant past it was a target of the Great Crusade, in the 1000 years since it has become an incredibly wealthy trading city. He said Copher even hosts a Tilean neighbourhood, which is separated from the rest of the city by a wall. It is the merchants of Tilea who do the greatest volume of Old World trade with Araby. While the Imperials consider Tilean princes to be simple pretentious merchants, the Arabyans love to trade with the Tilean merchants, with whom they have an excellent relationship

He said the city also contains the chapter house of the Knights of the Gleaming Shield, a smaller crusading sub-order of the Knights of the Blazing Sun. But to be honest, mum, I’d stopped listening long before he got to the end of the Copher bit. And Guido was still a bit put out that he wasn’t allowed to take any books out and put them in his office to make himself look more important.

Guido said he also wanted to find out more about the witch hunter from Copher, who I think was called Abu Tawb, but he didn’t seem to get any information on him. He also tried to get a plan of the palace but they didn’t have that.

Mueller talked about the Law Lords and said that she had noticed that Ehrlich appeared depressed. And she said she did not enjoy the company of Hoflich as he seemed to enjoy doling out punishment. She said she admired Wasmeier for his scholarship and intelligence, and knows that he was vocally against the taxes in the closed legal sessions.

Then I told Guido and Dreamy that I thought that Blume was much better at appearing like a nob these days, but Guido just took the credit for himself and said it was only because he had told her to better herself. But I think it’s easy to tell someone what to do, but much harder to do it. Then I told them all about Wallenstein four-timing Blume and told them not to tell her, because she didn’t know and I thought it would upset her. I’m not sure I did the right thing in telling them, mum, but it might be important information.

Sparsam was at the heraldry and so Willow had a quick word with him, making sure he had not fallen off the wagon, and he said he was doing very well, which she took to mean that he hadn’t. She told him that we had gone to the pit to try to find Frau Kenner and that she thought that was probably an alias, and so Sparsam gave her a description, saying she was about thirty years old, five foot five, with long blond hair, but to be honest, mum, the way the average Middenheimer looks, that didn’t really narrow it down too much.

Then Sparsam told her he had managed to pull some strings and the Guild of Physicians was prepared to let her re-take her exam at ten tomorrow morning, which she was very pleased to hear.

Blume told everyone how she got the better of Wallenstein, and Guido said that it sounded like she had extorted him, but he wasn’t there. And Blume said that even though she promised not to say anything about Wallenstein’s past, that didn’t mean she couldn’t write it down.

And Blume said she was looking forward to becoming a society lady. But, mum, there’s no such thing as society. At least that’s what Mrs Hayloft used to say, but to be fair, nobody liked her, and they said she was a witch, and when she died, they danced on her grave.

And we wondered how close Wallenstein was to the grafina. And we knew he wasn’t a noble or anything like that so we wondered whether they were really close or he had just exaggerated his standing with her. And we did wonder whether perhaps Wallenstein wasn’t that bad after all and his distance from castle Wittgenstein and his changed name meant that he had moved on from his dodgy family to get away from the nefarious.

Then everyone went to the snotball. But I didn’t, mum. I had had enough of Boy not doing anything except weeing in my pocket, so I decided it was time to teach him to face the world and I found a patch of ground outside the Field of Martials and tried to train him to obey me.

While I was there I saw a load of Kislevan Ice Witches turn up and turn the field into an ice rink. I didn’t know witches were allowed, mum. But it put us in mind of the great winter freeze of 2002. Remember mum, when it was so cold the river froze over and the ducks had to live in the cattle trough and then a cow walked over the frozen river, so we had ducks in the field and cows in the river and it was like the world had turned upside down. But really it had just got a bit cold.

I don’t think any of us is a real snotball fan but they all went to see it, anyway. And then they told Willow that snotball was called snotball because they played it with a snotling trapped in a wicker cage and when they kicked the ball you could hear it scream, which she said was very cruel (I cried my eyes out – Willow).

But then they revealed that that was just the historical game and these days they played with a proper ball with a face painted on it. And then Willow got mad and said she was gonna tell her mum that Dreamy had been teasing her (please don’t tell Mrs Thistledew that, mum, as I think Willow will probably forget about it before we get back to the Mootland).

Dreamy and Guido told Willow that she had to toughen up a bit because the real world was like that, and greenskins were properly evil and would kill you as soon as look at you, and they wouldn’t stop to have a chat first.

Then Willow noticed Pavarotti in the crowd and so went to talk to him. She complained about Dreamy and Guido but Pavarotti explained that they only behaved like that because they wanted her to be safe. And so Willow felt a bit better about it, and they had a smoke of fug. And she asked him whether he knew a five foot five blond-haired lady who visited the palace every week. And Pavarotti said he did. And Willow asked him what she did. And he said anything you ask her to. (Don’t read that bit to the girls, mum.) Willow was a bit shocked but said that Pavarotti should send her down to the STD clinic she was running at the Templar’s.

Then everyone went to the opera and they spotted Dieter with Emmanuelle Schlagen, Kirsten Jung, and Petra Liebkosen. Willow had a word with Kirsten and told her that she was opening an STD clinic at the Templar’s and then looked meaningfully at Dieter. I’m not sure they understood what Willow was getting at, to be honest, mum, I’m not sure I understand it, but Kirsten said that they could endorse it, but I don’t think she really wanted to and I don’t expect to see them there. Meanwhile, Petra was just completely ignoring Willow and Emmanuelle was looking worried and distant, and scanning the crowd.

Meanwhile I was training boy and not getting on very well at all. I have to admit that I didn’t really have the patience for it and I was probably shouting at him a bit too much, and confusing him. To be honest, mum, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a dog owner.

And then I saw Guido on his way to the ice-dancing. He asked me about my job and I told him all about the fat-berg we had cut up the previous evening but he didn’t seem very impressed. He saw how frustrated I was getting at Boy and he told me I didn’t have to shout, and he started talking to the dog more gently and pretty soon he managed to get him to fetch the ball. It only took him a few minutes even though I had spent a couple of hours doing it without success. And then Guido showed me how to do it and told me the Estalian for fetch.

At the ice-dancing it looked like they only let the nobs and wealthy people enter the contest. They let Rallane do it. But after the competition was over they let everyone else on the ice.

Willow had a chat with Janna Eberhauer about wearing blue, and Janna said that was just her work clothes and she actually preferred green. Then Willow asked her what the difference between a wizard and a witch was and Janna said something about a license and Willow had to admit she didn’t have a doctor’s licence yet (I have my re-take at ten, tomorrow – Willow).

Then Janna talked about knowing the graf and being responsible for magical matters and security, and Willow asked her whether she would know if someone was using bad magic at the palace and Janna assured her that she would. And they had a chat about cults and mutants, and whether wizards were actually mutants, and whether mermaids were. Then they wondered why there are no halfling wizards.

And Willow told her all about Boegenhafen and then got a bit worried that she might have said too much, but Janna didn’t seem that concerned. So she asked her about huge eyes coming out of the ground and things like that and Janna said she should go to the magical college if she wanted to report things like that.

Then Janna told Willow that she needed to arrange accommodation for her sister (no, I don’t know why, mum, Willow didn’t ask) and Willow told her we were staying at the Templar’s and there might be room there. So Janna said she would send her sister down at nine tomorrow to see if we could get her a room (her name is Erina and she’s a wizard, too).

Then Willow and Dreamy went for a skate on the ice, in their bare feet, and Dreamy was really good at it (I didn’t fall over – Willow).

At work, it was really cold because of all the ice above ground. And the freezing water had affected some of the brickwork in the sewers. I tried to show Jacko that I had trained Boy to fetch something, but I couldn’t remember the Estalian for fetch.

Then we found a rats nest. I think the rats had been disturbed by the ice. And so we started whacking them. I used the pistol-club Blume made for me. It was a bit grim, mum, to be honest, killing all the rats like that, with all the blood and guts spattering about. But Jacko seemed to really enjoy it and he had a mad look in his eyes as he beat them all to death. And he started laughing, and so I started laughing as well so he didn’t think that I wasn’t enjoying my work.

When we had finished I asked him about the man-size two-legged rats and Jacko agreed that they were real, and he asked me what I thought of them. And I didn’t know what to say, really, as I really hate them, so I just said they were impressive. And Jacko said that tomorrow we might take a different route through the sewers, and go deeper into the Fauschlag.

So, that might be exciting, mum. It sounds a lot more fun than the carnival which is really starting to drag and tomorrow all the events sound really boring, except maybe the jousting, which sounds ok. Apparently there is a performance by some castrates who are boys that sing really high, but I won’t tell you how they get them to sing that high, as it’s making me nervous just thinking about it. Bigs are weird.