102: The Heaven’s Lament

We did all wake up. I didn’t get much sleep again, I kept thinking about the rat in upside-down world who kept falling asleep and so loaded up on fey-eyes again. And over breakfast, we told Fred and Vinny all about Blume’s five-timing date with Wallenstein. And I think the two messages Vinny got from that story was that that was the proper way to treat women, and Blume was available, so he kept wiggling his eyebrows at her over breakfast.

And we told them all about Wallenstein’s nefarious connections to the Wittgenstein family, and our adventures under Castle Wittgenstein. And we talked about some of Wallenstein’s dates wearing green, and the yahoos wearing green, and we wondered whether this was like the Purple Hand but green.

And we were having such a good chat we forgot to rush to Hartpetal Hospital to save Willow from the Yahoos. And we had to console ourselves with the hope that Willow had invited them in for tea and biscuits and had a nice chat.

Nevertheless, we armoured up for the visit and loaded our pistols. When we got to the hospital we were a bit worried because no one was about and the place looked like it had been messed up, but it turned out that Willow was fine and it was always that messy.

And we were absolutely right about Willow having a nice chat with them, so we needn’t have worried. In fact she said the bald one was quite nice, but that was probably because he didn’t cast any spells at her. Willow told us that she had told them that Blume had been on a date with Wallenstein, and so might know where he is, so we will have to look out for them.

Willow said that she had expanded the hospital to separate the animals from the patients, which sounds like odd medical practice but she did it anyway. And had been training up some of the urchins. And she went around filling a basket with lots of different food and herbs for us and gave us some cherry turnovers.

And Willow did something to Fred’s back and he said it felt much better, but he was still walking a bit funny. And she saw to Blume’s face which still had a mark on it. But Vinny was off chasing one of Willow’s chickens, so she didn’t have a chance to see to his wounds. For some reason, it was hard to get Willow to chat to Vinny. And she asked me how I was sleeping, and I didn’t want to tell her I was back on the fey-eyes, so I just said, fine.

And then she told us about one urchin who had been reunited with his family, and another one who was such a good sweeper, he had been sweeping other premises, and someone had made a straw out of two sticks of celery and drank pumpkin soup through it.

And before we left Willow invited us all to Festag lunch, any Festag we wanted, but I think we’ll probably be a bit busy. And Willow does tend to talk nonsense. In fact sometimes she sounds quite mad. In upside-down world there’s probably a Willow who is very sensible.

After that we were going to report to Schutzmann but realised we would pass close to Wallenstein's house on the way, so we decided to check it out first. It looked uninviting with all the shutters up and we guessed it was empty, and so sent Vinny to have a look. He knocked but there was no reply, and so he picked the lock and went in.

And once he was in, I fetched Fred and Blume but Fred decided this was breaking and entering, and so he kept watch outside. We thought the house was empty, but in the hallway I could hear some movement upstairs, and then a servant came down the stairs. I thought she would sound the alarm, but instead she just looked away deferentially and carried on with her chores.

So Blume pretended she was posh, again, and told the servant that Wallenstein had promised her a book and that she wished to fetch it from his office. So she led us to his room, and told us she was not allowed in, but let us go in.

It was very well appointed room with a nice chaise longue and a big four poster bed. The bed clothes had some pretty rude designs on them and I couldn’t help point them out to Vinny, because he likes that sort of thing. But I think they just confused him and he went off to talk to the servant.

There was a portrait on the wall of what I guessed were the Wittgenstein family, because one of the children looked like Magritte who we saw in Wittgendorf, and one of the others looked like Wallenstein. And we had a look through his wardrobe which had lots of nice clothes. Blume found a letter that had been screwed up and tossed to the back of his desk and it said:

Herr Komissioner Gotthard von Wittgenstein, We know your true heritage. If you wish to keep your secret, be at the Heaven’s Lament tonight after midnight, ask for Herr Gelb. Bring Dagmar Wittgenstein’s diaries with you! Your correspondent, Herr Gelb

Meanwhile, Vinny was chatting to the servant and she told him that Wallenstein had left the house angrily about a week before and had not come back. And she said he entertained a lot of unpleasant guests at the house.

Then Vinny looked around the place and behind the portrait in the bedroom he found a safe, and inside were some green robes, adorned with a sort of staff symbol and I think we saw the same symbol on some of the yahoos who attacked us the night before. And there was also a strange silver symbol. I think it gave him the willies, because he passed it to me, and I gave it to Blume to look at, and she gave it back to me. It is a bit strange, but I might keep it. And we found a letter which said:

My Dearest Sister,

I write to you in reduced spirits. Recall last time I was so thoroughly enjoying myself that I was having trouble walking? Well things have turned for the worst. Dear Anike-Elise has passed on, and not from a surfeit of weirdroot bulbs and scandalous partying as one might expect. The Morrites deemed it ‘natural causes.’

I have tried to cheer myself up with varied binges but it’s not the same. I am also finding that the cushy positions she found for me as chairman of two of Middenheim’s trading boards involve such matters as accountability and hard graft. Do you have any idea how boring a Merchants’ Guild meeting is? Profits and margins and whatnot. All work and no fun. And why have you gone so quiet? Months since your last missive. Stop leering at corpses long enough to scrawl a few lines will you? I miss you and the cats.

Your loving brother, Gotthard

And so that was a lot to think about. We decided that Wallenstein must have been cavorting, or something, with Anike-Elise who was the graf’s wife. Fred said that was a very serious matter and we shouldn’t bring it to Schutzmann’s attention without some convincing evidence to back it up.

And he said that the Heaven’s Lament was a private cabaret club that wasn’t too far away. After a long discussion about how best to approach the place, we decided that Blume should just go there and ask to become a member. We weren’t sure whether to mention Herr Gelb, so left it to her discretion.

But first she insisted on buying a new dress, and buying a suit for Vinny. I didn’t think I needed a new suit. I know mine was a child’s pirate outfit and it had been up and down the sewers any number of times, but despite the smell, it still gave me the dash of a sea captain, probably.

I think Blume looked alright, but Vinny looked like one of those snotball players from the slums who wins one game and blows all their winnings on trying to look like a nob, and he did look like a nob.

Blume spoke to the bouncer, Balzara, and asked her about membership, and they got on well enough, and Blume paid six crowns, and gave her a crown tip. And Balzara said that Wallenstein went there a lot, and the last time was about a week ago and he was looking very angry. He met someone called Gelb, who she didn’t know. And they got a room, but she didn’t see them leave, which was strange because she was on the door.

And so we all got into the club, and it was so exclusive, we were the only ones there, but to be fair, it was still only about midday. We had some drinks and put them on Blume’s new tab.

We spoke to the owner, Martina, who had a similar story to Balzara. She said that Wallenstein was so angry that night, he kept his hands to himself, which was a relief for the waitresses. And he had rented the Verdra Room for his meeting with Gelb. And she hadn’t seen him leave, either.

And we got a similar account from one of the waitresses, Heidi. And we got a detailed description of Gelb, as she said he was a small, thin man with a pencil moustache, and he was a bit twitchy, and he had large teeth. She said Martina thought he was from one of the low kings, but Heidi was from Ostwald and knew what that sort looked like (a bit like Vinny, actually) and he wasn’t like that.

And Heidi said that when Wallenstein met Gelb it was very awkward, and she overheard Wallenstein say he couldn’t care less what Dagmar had been doing, but Gelb said they wouldn’t take no for an answer.

So, Blume announced that it was her birthday and rented the Verdra Room. It was mostly green, and it had lots of oak panelling. I went round and checked the panelling, but it was all solid. And Blume checked the flagstone floor, and dropped her drink, and watched some of the liquid drip down a gap in the stones. And so while Heidi went to fetch a cloth, we managed to lift the stone (Vinny is stronger than he looks) and found a tunnel leading downwards.

It looked to me that the tunnel had been dug with claws, rather than tools, and it had been done quite recently. So I took Boy down there and we had a look around. The tunnels were similar to the ones we found under Wyndhund Haulage which had led to the Staging Post.

So I went back up into the Verdra room, and we managed to drop the flagstone just before Heidi came back. We decided we would get someone to fetch some of our less posh clothes and go down there again to see if we could track Wallenstein.

So that’s that, mum. It seems like everything is leading to the upside-down world. I will let you know in my next letter if we go back down there, and if Guido turns up (I hope he doesn’t as it’s much more fun without him).