105: Karl and Gaius

Hello, mum. We were still wondering about the half-rat-half-beastmen things at the autopsy, and why the real rat men had been replaced. And we wondered how they managed to get the two beastman bodies out of the museum. But we decided that a lot of traffic seemed to be going up and down through secret doors and tunnels, and we expected that if we searched the museum we might find another one.

We decided to split up to get things done more quickly. Vinny had an appointment to see Josef, and so he took Blume with him because if anyone knows anything about mixing with the upper classes under false pretences it was her. Fred went back to the museum, and I went with Guido to the Baiting Pit to find Piet Schaedling (the rat catcher who we thought had shot the crossbow bolt into the rat head, mum).

On the way Guido talked about having a system of medals to reward good work and bravery in KITUM, but I think he just wanted to award them to himself. We had medals in the Mootland branch of the Stirland River Patrol, of course, but I never got any.

And then he lectured me again about behaving properly, and he said I should have had a medal for shutting up during the autopsy, and I should do the same thing at the Baiting Pit. And he said if I ever wanted to say anything I should scratch my ear, and Guido would know that I wanted to speak, and he would scratch his ear in reply, to let me know I was allowed.

And then he went on about bear baiting in Tilea and he said that it was much better there because they didn’t use dogs, they just did it themselves really skilfully. And those who fought bears were called matadors, which sounds like a silly name for a dog.

And in the Baiting Pit, there was a fight going on and everyone was betting to see which dogs would survive. And so I put two crowns on Boy to beat the bear, but I hadn’t really thought it through and someone bet against him, and so I just gave his the money to save Boy from harm. And then Guido spoke to Boy about me (dogs can’t talk, mum) and I don’t know what he said but I definitely heard ‘idiota’ and ‘imbecil.’

Anyway, we soon saw someone who matched the description we had been given of Piet and so Guido bought three bad beers and went over to talk to him. And Piet was upset because the dog he had bet on had already fallen and he had lost a lot of money. And Guido pretended that he was a pleasant guy and just wanted a chat, but Piet wasn’t very talkative.

But then, after I’d got permission to speak, I explained that I was in the sewer jacks, and that was a bit like being a rat catcher so Piet was happy to chat about that. And it turns out, he has similar ideas to me about the upside-down world, so we talked about that, which annoyed Guido so he kicked me.

Then Guido showed Piet the crossbow bolt and told him we knew about the rats, and that he should tell us all about it. But he said that he was sworn to secrecy, and had been paid twenty shillings for his silence. And so Guido just paid him twenty shillings for him to talk, and told him he had doubled his money for nothing. Piet was a bit worried that it might get out that he had squawked, but he told us anyway.

He said that two academic types had paid him to deliver the biggest rat heads he could find. And when he described them it sounded exactly like Karl and Gaius, Professor Hasche’s assistants. And, hearing the descriptions like that, Karl’s description sounded quite similar to the one we had been given of Herr Gelb, too, who had met Wallenstein at the Heaven’s Lament.

Piet was a bit worried that Karl and Gaius would get their revenge on him, but we told him not to worry, and told him that we would deal with them. But to be honest, I don’t think he has much to worry about two laboratory assistants anyway, unless he’s worried about getting catalogued.

As we were about to leave, we spotted a suspicious looking black clad character, who didn’t look like he really belonged at the bear bait, heading towards Piet. Guido asked Piet if he knew him, but he didn’t. And we saw the stranger dig his hand into his robes and it looked like he might be drawing a weapon. So Guido intercepted him and tried to grab his arm, but the man managed to wriggle out of his grasp.

And so I drew my sword and stuck it in the man’s back a bit and told him to put his hands up. He did, but as he did, he pulled out a dagger and threw it at Piet. He missed but he did hit someone standing next to Piet, and that person dropped all their money, which scattered over the floor, and the crowd immediately descended on them, scrambling for the money, with fights breaking out all over the place and pretty soon everyone was fighting everyone else.

Guido did grab him this time and I tried to punch him, but everything was so chaotic I missed. And he punched Guido, and it was a very hard punch, and he was wearing knuckle dusters. Then we spotted Piet get punched and he went flying. I thought it might be good to keep the man alive, and Guido thought the same which is why he hadn’t drawn a blade.

Guido tried to grab him again, and he managed to wriggle free again, and Guido shouted to me to help out, and I couldn’t see much else to do but just run him through, and so I did. And he toppled over the railing and landed in the bear pit, next to the angry bear. And it was about that moment I heard someone shout ‘Watch!’ and so I got out of their as quickly as I could.

And Guido went to find Piet, who was unconscious at the bottom of a scrum, and he put him over his shoulder and carried him out. After he had reimagined consciousness, Guido asked him where would be best to contact him if we needed to talk to him again, and he said it was still the Baiting Pit. So, I guess, some people never learn.

Meanwhile Blume and Vinny had gone to the Heaven’s Lament to see Josef. Vinny wore his gold lame snotball warm up suit again. They said hello to Galzara, the bouncer, and she pointed them to Josef. He was a shifty-looking forty-something who didn’t look them in the eye and when Blume offered him her hand, he didn’t take it, so for an expert on the ruling classes he didn’t really know how to behave properly.

They asked him about Crown Prince von Tasseninck and for six shillings he told them what he knew, but most of what he said we knew already. But he said that that incident was only a small part of the imperial situation, and he reeled off a lot of other people and places from all around the Empire, where there were tensions and threats of civil wars.

He touched on the Ostland-Talabecland conflict, Nordland independence fears, famines in Averland and the Iron Countess von Alptraum there, and in the Reikland, Karl Franz seizing Ubersreik. I think he expected Blume and Vinny to know bits about this, but most of it was completely new to them, and Vinny was especially confused about the wider political situations, but he just pretended he knew what Josef was talking about.

Even though they didn’t understand many of the details, I think they both got the impression that there was dissent and unrest being sown all over the Empire. Blume asked if that had anything to do with the purple cultists or the green ones, but Josef said he didn’t know anything about that. I’m not sure Josef did move in upper class circles, I think it was more likely that he was just a servant but one with an influential master, who kept his eyes and ears open.

Vinny and Blume discussed this over drinks at the Heaven’s Lament. And I think Blume was spending our money on the drinks, but I guess that was inevitable after we put her in charge of all our money. And they said that perhaps this is what was meant in that letter we had from Kastelle Lieberung we had found on Erich Kalzbad’s body, which said the Purple Hand had worked as fragments and they needed to work as one. And so it sounded like this might be an existential threat to the Empire itself. Blume suggested telling the graf about it, but Vinny said we should probably tell Schutzmann first.

Meanwhile Fred had a look around the museum and he decided that there wasn’t access from the sewers that would have been big enough to take the beastmen bodies through, but he deicided that people who had a right to be there would probably have had enough opportunity to smuggle them out one way or another.

When we met up at the Templar’s Guido told everyone it was Hasche’s assistants behind the plot and so we decided to go straight to her laboratory. We saw Hasche there and Guido casually asked her if her assistants were around. But she said she had given them the rest of the day off, after the autopsy debacle. And she said they would probably be at the halls of residence or one of the student taverns. And she said that they had worked for her for about six years, so she trusted them.

The halls of residence were guarded by a beadle and he demanded to know what our business was, but I think Guido thinks he is now too important to explain himself so he just demanded we be let past. And in the end Fred had to flash his KITUM badge. Everyone went up to the apartments while I stayed and talked to the beadle about where the Karl and Gaius liked to drink.

Vinny managed to pick the locks of both of the apartments, and so decided that made him room captain, so he ordered everyone else about, telling them where to search. Karl’s room was extremely tidy. But we found a roll of thread under his bed, the same stuff that had been used to sew the rat-heads on the beastmen bodies.

In contrast, Gaius’ room was a complete mess, and there was a beastman head stuck on the kitchen table surrounded by sawdust. So Vinny put the head on his head and went around frightening everyone. And Guido told him off.

So there was now no doubt that Karl and Gaius were behind the fake rat men and we just had to pick them up. We went around all the likely taverns in the student area, the Lucky Fish, the Bed Sheet, the Green Leaf, and others, but couldn’t find them.

But in the end we decided to check out the Collegium refectory and they were there. Guido politely invited them back to Hasche’s quarters so we could pick their brains about the case, and they agreed to come after they had finished their meal.

And when we got there we told them we knew that they were behind the ruse. Vinny showed them the beastman head and all the papers he had taken from their apartment (to be honest, mum, I don’t think the papers had anything to do with it, they were probably just normal student writing, and stuff). And Blume showed them the suture thread we had found.

Professor Hasche looked really shocked and demanded to know why her assistants had done what they had done. They admitted that they had been paid by Doctor Arnau Dinkelacker, an academic rival of Hasche’s to disrupt the demonstration, and undermine her credibility. And they said that he had promised them more lab time and their own assistants. They apologised and said they would pack their bags immediately.

It seemed strange that they just thought they would be able to leave with impunity, but on the other hand, thinking about what they had done, it seemed like they had only really disrupted a public demonstration with a simple prank, and they had probably not done anything very illegal.

We asked them about Wallenstein and Gelb, but they said they didn't know anything about them. But we still decided we needed to arrest them and bring them to Schutzmann.

But then Professor Hasche stuck up for them and said we had no right to arrest them. And she was very forthright about it, and that was surprising because we had only been trying to help her.

In the end we formally arrested Karl and Gaius despite Hasche’s protests. And then Guido got mad at Hasche and told her to come with us, too. (I’m not sure whether she was formally arrested though. In fact, I’m not sure we can formally arrest anyone.) And when they took the three of them off to Schutzmann, Vinny and I went to see the beadle again and asked him where Doctor Dinkelacker lived and we went to his place, and arrested him, too.

So, mum, we have arrested Karl, and Gaius, and Hasche, and Dinkelacker. I think we did the right thing, but it was a bit strange to have Professor Hasche stick up for her assistants even though they had betrayed her trust. And perhaps, if she doesn’t think they did anything wrong, and it was only a harmless prank, then they didn’t do anything wrong, as she was the only aggrieved party. If only Hasche’s reputation is at stake, then what business is that of KITUM’s? And in any case, Hasche’s reputation was still intact as we had stopped the rat-beastmen from being revealed.

On the other hand, I expect we can do what we like, in the name of KITUM. We could probably throw them in a dungeon and let them rot, if we wanted. But we’re here to protect Middenheim from threats. And abuse of power is as much a threat to the city just as any thief or cultist. So if we did abuse our power that would make us as bad as them.

It was a bit like that time we had planned to plant some cheese on the suspected cheese smugglers when I was in the Mootland branch of the Stirland River Patrol. In the end we got a bit hungry and at it all. But if we hadn’t then that could have been an abuse of power. It’s all a bit complicated, mum, and thinking about it is making my head hurt. And making me hungry.

Anyway, I’ll write to you soon and let you know what happens, and I’ll let you know if I’ve thought anything more about whether what we did was right or not. Maybe I’ll ask Guido. He’s always very certain that what he does is right, so he will probably know.